browser life

How about something punny? These were sent to me by Pete.....

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
' That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'... Well, It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja-Moo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't! I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says,'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
'But why,' they asked as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath...
This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!

Don't know if you'll find this interesting or not, but apparently Barack Obama did a speech at my old school district recently! I went to Mapleton High School, which is now part of a charter school district. A lot of the pix are of my old classmates, teachers and local politicians, but there are a few good ones of Mr. Obama as well.

Barak Obama Gives Talk at Mapleton

And he's in South Dakota today and tomorrow, campaigning before the big primary on Tuesday. Wish they would let Independents vote in it.

More political amusements, courtesy of Dr. Karen. Finally have something about McCain!

McCain's Short List for VP Leaked to Press

And this is part of a contest called "Obama in 30 Seconds"....

It Could Happen to You

Incidentally, South Dakota is in the midst of a Clinton onslaught! She or one of her "reps" (including Bill) is going to be here every day until the primary on Tuesday. Obama returns to Sioux Falls on Sunday.

I got this from the Social Security Disability Coalition, which is included on my Links list. A woman was shot five times by her husband, then denied Social Security benefits!

Politics As Usual

It annoys me some of the comments on this story, complaining that people with fibromyalgia are eligible for SSDI. They say these people can garden, clean house and do other physical activities, which technically would make them ineligible under Social Security's own rules. But they fail to acknowledge that some of us CANNOT do those things or work, and THAT is why we qualify.

Managed to do a short quick product review for But You Don't Look Sick, right before my computer crashed! Am planning longer articles when the computer and basement issues are resolved....

Healthy Snack Review: Genisoy Soy Crisps

Basement news: have got a dumpster set up in the driveway so the bricks and other debris can be hauled away. Have found a future home for the wood burning stove so it won't go to waste (I would never have used it anyway due to my asthma). They are supposed to start actually ripping out the paneling and bricks and stuff starting tomorrow morning.

Will probably use the "future post" feature for Raves of the Day, but my "live" posts may be scarce for awhile.

More political humor. Here are a couple of actual quotes Dr. Karen sent me....


In Larry King's interview with Jon Stewart, Larry asked him about the primaries. Jon had this line that just has to be shared.

Larry asked Jon if America was ready for a woman or a black president. Jon looked at him quizzically and said, "This is such a non-question ... Did anyone ask us in 2000 if Americans were ready for a MORON?"

-----------

Rep. Charles Rangel, (D-N.Y.) was asked what he thought about the President.

"Well," he said, "I really think he shatters the myth of white supremacy once and for all."

Obama and Clinton as familiar movie characters? Sure, why not? The first two of these hilarious videos was sent to me by Robert, and the other by Dr. Karen....

Baracky - Barack Obama as Rocky

The Empire Strikes Barack

Flesh Wound

Now all we need is John McCain as the aged Indiana Jones!

Got your "economic stimulus" payment yet? Wondering what you could possibly do with that wad of cash? Dr. Karen sent me some hilarious suggestions....


The federal government is sending each and every one of us a $600 rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer it will go to India.

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan...

and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes, weed, beer, and tattoos, since these are the only products still produced in the USA.

Thank you for your help & please support the US.

Well, to start with, the basement flood incident has turned into a full-fledged saga, one with no conclusion as of yet. Hard to believe this whole mess started over six weeks ago. Not exactly fun for anyone.

The carpenter ended up having to rip out not only drywall and insulation along one wall, but also a cabinet, a desk and paneling along the entire scrapbooking area. There was not just a little mold back there like we hoped, but a lot, more than can safely be cleaned by hand with a bucket of bleach solution. Even worse, the walls had cracks in a stair step pattern with water visibly running down the cement!

The foundation company came back out, and the prognosis was not good. The entire south end of the house is starting to bow! You can see where internal walls are already beginning to crack due to movement from the foundation.

Because the damage is not yet severe, they want to anchor the southern wall of the basement. This will hold it steady and stop it from bowing further inward. Only problem is, they have to attach the anchor plates to the cement wall at intervals of every five feet, meaning that all the rest of that wall has to be uncovered.

So the carpenter has to come out again, this time to rip out the remaining paneling, drywall and insulation. And the bricked in area which currently houses a wood burning stove! They're supposed to start this on Wednesday, and I have no idea how long this will take as the carpenter is a friend of the family (he works cheap) and is wayyyyy overbooked.

When the carpenter is finished, I have to make an appointment with the foundation company to install the anchoring system and the secondary drainage system that will connect to the main sump pump. Right now they are already booking two months out! By the time they get done and we have the basement refinished, it will be fall!

As you might guess, this is gonna cost us a fortune! To give you an idea, a conservative estimate would be approximately three months of my SSDI payments! But if we wait until we have more cash on hand, the damage may be worse and the repairs more costly, so we need to get it taken care of.

The part that really sucks is that we've had uncovered mold in the basement for six weeks! It worsened my asthma and caused a flare of the Sjogren's. I'm better than I was, but I still seem more frail than I had been prior to the discovery of the mold.

There's not much point in doing any mold remediation until the basement is fixed so that it has a chance to dry out. As a result, my computer time has been limited as the machine is in the basement. I've worn one of those masks to keep me from breathing in too much mold, but they make my face itch, so they're only good for short periods of time.

As if this weren't enough of a financial fiasco, the Mac seems on the verge of biting the dust. The cursor keeps freezing up, and things start running very sluggishly like they did when we lost the hard drive in 2006. The machine is six years old, but we can't afford a new computer (yes, I know PCs and/or laptops are cheaper, but I don't know how to use them).

How am I gonna find cash for this stuff when we're already doing a payment plan with the Mayo Clinic through next year? Hate to say it, but I'm probably gonna have to charge it on a credit card. That way, I could make small payments initially and then larger ones once Mayo is paid off.

So, that's mainly why I've been scarce on this blog. I have no idea how many more of my projects I'll be able to complete in between bouts of basement deconstruction/reconstruction and/or computer crash, but I'll do what I can. I'm already sick of having most of my possessions in the basement covered with plastic (I keep thinking, sanitized for your protection, heh heh).

One thing I intend to try out, though: a new blog feature recently available. I am supposed to now have the ability to post something today and have it appear on a date of my choosing. As I have a ton of material I've been wanting to include in my Raves of the Day, I'm gonna give that a shot so you'll have something new to look at on a regular basis.

I won't be home most of tomorrow. The father of a friend of ours died quite suddenly on Friday, and we're driving to Dan's hometown of Huron for the funeral. It's a couple of hours each way.

Guess I'll stop here and see if this future posting feature actually works.