Saturday, February 28, 2004

Doc in the dark.... 

Can I have do-overs? I don't like the way today turned out at all.

Had a horrible time getting out of bed today, even after eight and a half hours of sleep. Got to the rheumatologist's office and found out they'd had a power outage, so I couldn't do the bone density test I'd been scheduled. They had a backup generator which provided light in the hallway, but not in the exam rooms, so I waited for the doc in the dark (they were nice enough to leave the door open though). Talked about how bad my fatigue has gotten, and there is nothing new to try. I'm just going to have to figure out how to live with it somehow, which is a horrific prospect. Since the prednisone is no longer helping, I'm going to taper completely off of it....it will take about six weeks to do this. The doc compared my recent C-Reactive Protein test with one I had before I started the anti-inflammatory....I'm back up to where I was last year, so the medication may have stopped working for me. I'm going to try a new one....they gave me samples to try before filling the prescription. There really is nothing else that can be done for me. My only hope is that if the new anti-inflammatory brings my pain level down, I might sleep better, and maybe I'll be less fatigued. Maybe.

The appointment finished up early because I couldn't have any tests done, but not early enough to go back home and retrieve the medication I forgot to take. Doing without the medicine did nothing to improve how I felt, that's for sure.

Got to work and found out that there is talk of more layoffs being announced on Wednesday. Also that the department who is stealing our work may take about ten of us to work in that area and phase the rest of us out. The ten would be the ones who are on the guaranteed job list, which neither Dan nor I are a part of. The cutoff is people hired in 1994 or earlier, and we were hired in 1995. Great. I'm not functional enough to even properly do the easy job I have, much less look for work.

Yes, I know lots of people in this world are much worse off than I am, but I sure could use a break anyway. I don't care how whiny this sounds. I am more exhausted than I ever have been in my life, and no amount of sleep will help, and I'm stuck with this for the rest of my life. I think that would bum just about anyone out.

Pain level: 10
Fatigue level: 10

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