Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Rave of the Day for February 25.... 

This one is rather lengthy, but there is some very funny stuff in it. This was posted by Cat on Fibrohugs:

¨ Does fuzzy logic tickle?

¨ Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

¨ How come programmers find it so easy to master the special language that runs computers yet those same folks who write the technical manuals for the rest of us have no grip on simple English?

¨ What is with all this concern about computer illiteracy? Since when do we expect inanimate objects to read?

¨ Don't you think that artificial intelligence is no longer an emerging technology? After all my workstation has been doing strange things all on its own for some time now hasn't yours?

¨ If you want to set your password to '******' how do you prevent it being shown when you type it in?

¨ If it's really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don't bounce off when I shoot it?

¨ Isn't there proof that they had computers in Biblical times? Didn't Eve have an Apple?

¨ Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename"?

¨ Why is it that 80 meg programs crash on installation only after they are 98% complete?

¨ If the human eye can only distinguish nearly eight million different colours then why does Windows software have a 16 million colours option?

¨ Virus Scanners. They use up your memory. They slow your computer down and they get bigger every month. Does anybody see a problem here?

¨ How come when I'm on the Net people say I don't have a life? If that's true then why does it take up so much of my time?

¨ If the Internet is the Information Superhighway where are the State Patrol cars?

¨ We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million keyboards will eventually reproduce the works of Shakespeare. Hasn't the Internet now proven that this is not true?

¨ How come when surfin the net if the server of the site that you're trying to get to is down or not responding the browser software tells you to contact the server's administrator? Won't their email address be on the same server? Or do all server administrators have their email on a competitor's server? Do they know something that they're not telling us?

¨ Why is there an on-line site for web addiction?

¨ Is it a crime to type 'FIRE' in all caps in a crowded chat room?

¨ When did we stop standing 'in' line and begin standing 'on' line?

¨ Is the definition of redundancy, 'AOL for dummies'?

¨ Why do the best e-mails always arrive late at night?

¨ Why is everyone changing their middle name to 'Dot'?

¨ How many emails can an inbox hold before it explodes?

¨ How do you press F1 when your P.C. has a keyboard error or no keyboard present?

¨ When you turn your computer monitor off does the screen saver still work?

¨ How can you save a screen from a screen-saver?

¨ How do I set my laser printer on stun?

¨ Why is it that when you hit two keys on a keyboard at the same time the one you don't want is the one that always shows up on the screen?

¨ Is 'RAM disk' an installation procedure?

¨ If a picture is worth a thousand words, why does it use up a thousand times the memory as a thousand words does?

¨ Does the real faulty interface lie between the chair and the keyboard?

¨ How many times does a question have to be asked in order for it to qualify as a Frequently Asked Question?

¨ When people add those annoying popup java or javascript windows that ask you to enter your name why on Earth do they allow for over 50 characters for the readers name?

¨ When we are on the Internet reading something and then we follow a link off that page, how come we can never seem to get back to what we were reading?

¨ Why does the 'save' icon on Microsoft Word show a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards? This is not very reassuring

¨ Since half of what we know today will be obsolete in five years wouldn't it be nice to know which half?

¨ Is it just me or do you sometimes find yourself double clicking on the TV remote control?

¨ Wouldn't you know that the computer industry would shorten 'Year 2000' to 'Y2K'? Wasn't it this kind of thinking that caused the problem in the first place?

¨ Why is it that people with loud car stereos never listen to good music?

¨ Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote? Don't you have to get up to get the tape?

¨ Why doesn't someone come up with a snow mulcher?

¨ About the guy who tells us that no two snowflakes are alike, did you ever wonder if perhaps these two melted before he could check them?

¨ Why is a dog so jumpy if you lightly touch its tail yet it feels nothing when it bangs it repeatedly on the kitchen table?

¨ Do other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

¨ Why is it that a wet dog is always friendlier than a dry dog?

¨ If you named your dog 'Stay' and you taught him to obey your commands what would the dog do if you said 'Come Stay'?

¨ If a dog's bark is worse than his bite why don't hospitals have to report dog bark wounds?

¨ When you give water to the dog you say you watered the dog. So if you give milk to the cat have you milked the cat?

¨ When dog food is new and better tasting, who tests it? And how do the testers let you know that it's better tasting?

¨ Why do we still dial a number on a touch-tone phone?

¨ Just what is it about going to the bathroom that makes your telephone ring?

¨ Is it considered 'roughing it' when you have to pay roaming charges to call home on your cell phone when you are camping?

¨ How come cell phones are the only category in which men vie to have the smallest?

¨ Why is it that the first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes?

¨ Why do people in a convertible with the top down have air fresheners hanging from their rear-view mirrors? Just how powerful do they think those things are anyway?

¨ General Motors mini vans have an air bag installed on the steering wheel. Why do they have a warning sticker on the back of the sun visor that reads "Caution. Do not sit by air bag"? Just where do they expect the driver to sit?

¨ Why is there a dimmer switch for the dashboard lights in cars? Do you find yourself driving along and suddenly say 'AARGH DASHBOARD LIGHTS TOO BRIGHT. I'M GONNA CRASH'?

¨ If the front of your car says "DODGE" do you really need a horn?

¨ If you replaced the headlights in your car with strobe lights would it look like you were the only one moving?

¨ It was once said that if we had a powerful car we could pass anything except a petrol station. So why now that we have powerful cars and kids can we pass everything except McDonalds?

¨ Isn't driving a vehicle confusing enough? Why would they put 'Dodge' and 'Ram' on the same vehicle?

¨ Could the reason that there's now a higher percentage of seat belt users be the fact that the non-users are slowly being killed off?

¨ Why is it that it is always the cars whose colour blends in with the road that never turn their headlights on in dark rainy weather? Are they pretending to be stealth cars? Or do they just want to see how close they can come to getting in an accident?

¨ Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address you turn down the volume on the radio?

¨ If we have to turn the radio down when we are driving in order to look for an address how in heck do ambulances and fire engines ever find their destinations with that loud siren blaring away?

¨ Is the best way to be a leader with a large following just to obey the speed limit on a winding two lane road?

¨ Why doesn't the Highway Department train their employees? Then rather than signs that say "Slow Men Working" they can say "More Efficient Men Working"!

¨ Why do the signs that say SLOW CHILDREN have a picture of a running child?

¨ What about those signs that read 'Speed Limit Enforced by Aircraft'? What do they do? Drop a bomb on you if you go over the limit?

¨ On your way to the Airport if you see a sign that reads 'Airport Left' should you turn around and go back home?

¨ When a road sign states 'Cross Traffic next 64 Miles' do you wonder what made it angry?

¨ How come, when babies sleep all the time, people say they are a really good kid, but when I do that, they call me lazy?

¨ Why is it that if you want to get something done you can either do it yourself hire someone to do it or forbid your kids to do it?

¨ How come we as children will fight tooth and nail not to have a nap only to find ourselves as adults wishing with all of our hearts that we could?

¨ If you teach children to be polite and courteous when they grow up will they ever be able to get their cars onto the freeway?

¨ Wouldn't the best way to keep your kids out of hot water be to put some dishes in it?

¨ How come, after you childproof your home, they still get in?

¨ They say that every 4 seconds a woman has a baby. Shouldn't we be trying to find this woman and stop her?

¨ Do mountain climbers tie themselves together with ropes just to prevent the sensible ones from going home?

¨ Wouldn't marathons be a lot more interesting if after the race started, hungry wild animals were released onto the course? Tigers would be fun, wouldn't they?

¨ If Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash would have sang a song together do you think they might have actually been IN tune?

¨ Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band sound like?

¨ Is the one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater a one eyed, one horned flying purple creature that eats people? Or is it a creature that eats one eyed, one horned, flying purple people?

¨ Isn't having a song in your heart just like karoke for the voices in your head?

¨ They say that if a man is bald at the front he is a thinker and that if he is bald at the back he is handsome. If this is so then if he is bald from front to back does he just think he's handsome?

¨ Why do people ask me if I'm losing my hair? I didn't lose it. It deserted me, didn't it?

¨ Should we file our finger and toe nails or throw them away like everybody else?

¨ Why do some stores offer the service 'Ears pierced free while you wait'? Where else are you going to go?

¨ Why do the instructions for a mildew remover say "Use in well ventilated area"? There wouldn't be any "mildew" if it were "well ventilated" in the first place right!?

¨ How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

¨ Why do people always ask where that door goes to? Don't doors always stay where they are?

¨ Why is the number, to report credit cards lost or stolen, printed on the back of the cards?

¨ What if light fixtures are really insect burial grounds? And they aren't congregating, but mourning?

¨ Why is it always the one who snores that falls asleep first?

¨ If Maxwell House coffee is good to the last drop what's wrong with the last drop?

¨ Is instant coffee so called because there is only one instant when it tastes like real coffee?

¨ Why is it that on juice cartons they put the words 'Serve Ice Cold'? How else would you serve ice?

¨ Are Cheerios donut seeds?

¨ If they're called 'Lucky Charms', why is he always losing them?

¨ If 8.5 x 14 paper is considered 'legal' size is everything else illegal? Will we go to jail if we use illegal paper? Will the paper police pick us up or will we just be shredded?

¨ Why are there no "B" batteries?

¨ Why is it called a flashlight if the light it emits is steady?

¨ Why do moms use the strangest questions when they get angry? You know things like "Shut your mouth and eat your food" and "Do you WANT me to slap your face off?"

¨ What does an imperfect stranger look like?

¨ Who is optimistic? The one who says the glass is half empty? Or the one that thinks it's half full? Or is it that the glass is just too big?

¨ Is the problem with the gene pool the fact that there's no lifeguard?

¨ How does a Nun retire? Does she instantly not believe at sixty-five and start partying?

¨ We all know that old age is inevitable, but do you wonder sometimes if growing up is optional?

¨ Why is it that the only time your spouse will listen and pay strict attention to every word you say is when you talk in your sleep?

¨ Don't you think that any husband who tells us that his wife and him are completely equal partners is either talking about a law firm or a hand of bridge

¨ Are you getting too old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along?

¨ If 80 percent of spouses cheat in America, do the rest cheat in Europe?

¨ If hindsight is 20/20, does that make Heinz-sight 57/57?

¨ Is a conclusion simply the place where you got tired of thinking?

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