Friday, April 02, 2004
Rave of the Day for April 2:
How about one last installment of "Basic Laws"? These really crack me up. Credit goes once again to Ducky....
MORE BASIC LAWS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW
* RAYBURN'S RULE:
If you want to get along, go along.
* RICHARD'S COMPLEMENTARY RULES OF OWNERSHIP:
If you keep anything long enough you can throw it away.
If you throw anything away, you will need it as soon as it is no longer accessible.
If you have thrown it away, it will immediately increase in value.
* ROBERT E. LEE'S TRUCE:
Judgement comes from experience;
Experience comes from poor judgement.
* RUDIN'S LAW:
In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst possible one.
* RULE OF FELINE FRUSTRATION:
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
* RULE OF THE GREAT:
When somebody you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
* RULE OF THE WAY OUT:
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
* SATTINGER'S LAW:
It works better if you plug it in.
* SCHMIDT'S LAW:
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
* SCOTT'S FIRST LAW:
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
* SCOTT'S SECOND LAW:
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.
* SEGAL'S LAW:
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
* SHAW'S PRINCIPLE:
Build something that even a fool could use, and only a fool will use it.
* SIMON'S LAW:
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
* SKINNER'S CONSTANT (FLANNAGAN'S FINAGLING FACTOR):
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.
* SNAFU EQUATIONS:
1. An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
2. Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
3. Interchangeable devices won't.
4. Badness comes in waves.
5. In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.
* SODD'S FIRST LAW:
When a person attempts a task, they will be thwarted in that task by the unconscious intervention of some other presence (animate or inanimate).
* SODD'S FIRST LAW TASK COMPLETION THEOREM:
Some tasks are completed since the intervening presence is itself attempting a task and is, of course, subject to interference.
* SODD'S SECOND LAW:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
* STOCKMAYER'S THEOREM:
If I looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible.
MORE BASIC LAWS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW
* RAYBURN'S RULE:
If you want to get along, go along.
* RICHARD'S COMPLEMENTARY RULES OF OWNERSHIP:
If you keep anything long enough you can throw it away.
If you throw anything away, you will need it as soon as it is no longer accessible.
If you have thrown it away, it will immediately increase in value.
* ROBERT E. LEE'S TRUCE:
Judgement comes from experience;
Experience comes from poor judgement.
* RUDIN'S LAW:
In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst possible one.
* RULE OF FELINE FRUSTRATION:
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
* RULE OF THE GREAT:
When somebody you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
* RULE OF THE WAY OUT:
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
* SATTINGER'S LAW:
It works better if you plug it in.
* SCHMIDT'S LAW:
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
* SCOTT'S FIRST LAW:
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
* SCOTT'S SECOND LAW:
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.
* SEGAL'S LAW:
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
* SHAW'S PRINCIPLE:
Build something that even a fool could use, and only a fool will use it.
* SIMON'S LAW:
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
* SKINNER'S CONSTANT (FLANNAGAN'S FINAGLING FACTOR):
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.
* SNAFU EQUATIONS:
1. An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
2. Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
3. Interchangeable devices won't.
4. Badness comes in waves.
5. In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.
* SODD'S FIRST LAW:
When a person attempts a task, they will be thwarted in that task by the unconscious intervention of some other presence (animate or inanimate).
* SODD'S FIRST LAW TASK COMPLETION THEOREM:
Some tasks are completed since the intervening presence is itself attempting a task and is, of course, subject to interference.
* SODD'S SECOND LAW:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
* STOCKMAYER'S THEOREM:
If I looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible.
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