Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I have an idea.... 

...this is gonna sound weird, but I'm desperate. For the rest of my leave of absence, I've decided not to fight the exhaustion anymore, no matter how inconvenient it gets. Whenever the sledgehammer of fatigue hits me, I'll just go lie down as soon as possible. If I go to sleep right away, fine. If I don't fall asleep within ten minutes, I'll get up and try again in a few hours if I am still tired. I know this will mess up my nighttime sleep routine, but I'm not gonna worry about it since I'm not working anyway.

I was trying to figure out how exactly I got better six years ago when I had these same neurological symptoms. Then I remembered that I slept an inordinate amount of time because I simply could not function with a constant migraine. After awhile, the symptoms seemed to burn themselves out, or maybe I was able to sleep them off. So I'm going to try to do that again. I have to do SOMETHING to get better by August 2nd.

So I may be sleeping a few hours at a time several times a day if that's what my body tells me to do. I'll just make sure I keep all doc appointments and do my usual amount of exercise. I don't see how I would end up feeling any worse.

I've made an appointment with my primary care doc on Monday to get my thyroid checked, just in case it's contributing to the fatigue (which I doubt). The neurologist appointment is on Tuesday, and I'm not looking forward to hearing again how normal I am. Yeah, this is some normal life I lead.

I suppose if letting the fatigue dictate my life doesn't help, I will have to go back on the damned prednisone. There is no other way I'll be able to work otherwise. I've got to figure out a way to keep working if I don't have sufficient evidence of disability.

I wonder how many people my age wrestle with issues like these? I should be more concerned with saving money for retirement than with saving my energy just to get through a shift. I feel like I'm just fading away from the real world, like a puff of smoke.

Pain level: 6
Fatigue level: 8

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