Friday, August 06, 2004

Already fading.... 

Taking a shower this afternoon, I was suddenly overcome by tiredness and wanted very much to just sit on the edge of the tub and rest. I felt heavy....more of an effort to take a deep breath, to stand up straight, to remember whether I had washed my hair yet. In other words, the Sjogren's already fighting its way back.

My thinking must be getting cloudy already too, because I made four mistakes at work despite being extremely careful. Luckily I caught them all before anyone else did. I wasn't expecting to start declining so fast.

Then after lunch, I spent about a half hour correcting a liquor ad, and when I stood up, the familiar stiffness in my knees, shoulders and upper back decided to make itself known. I'm still in better shape than when I started the prednisone, but I'm headed back the wrong way. I guess all I can do is cross my fingers that the really bad neurological problems will at least stay away.

I'm trying very hard not to get upset by this.

But I can't help feeling sad, knowing I have all this potential that I can't safely access for more than a few days at a time. There is nothing else medically that can be done for me.

I am not giving up yet. I will just have to figure out a way to endure this burden, both at work and in the rest of my life.

I'm already doing my best, though.... what else is there?

Prayer, maybe.

Pain level: 5
Fatigue level: 5

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