Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Humiliating dentist visit.... 

I didn't even realize I had an elevated pain level today....I was too distracted with the heaviness, slowness and exhaustion.

I had trouble finding a parking space at the rehab hospital today. I finally got one at the opposite end of the building from the pool. By the time I hobbled in to the aquacise class late, I was out of breath, my legs were shaking, and I was so wiped out that I actually considered skipping the workout.

I decided to go ahead with the class since I was already there, and it made me even more tired. All I could think about driving home was going back to bed, but I had a dentist appointment this afternoon, so I got ready for that instead. While I was doing that, my legs got weak again, like they were before my recent course of steroids.

Got to the dentist office a bit late because it was difficult to walk. Wasn't really nervous or anything, just tired and ready to get the filling over with. Made sort of a snide comment to the dentist (who is new) that I'm a wimp about this stuff.

Then he went to give me the novacaine shot. It hurt so horribly that I was very nearly screaming. I wasn't expecting that level of pain, and I started to cry.

Then the dentist said, "Look, if I can't even give you a shot to numb you, I can't work on you." I started to tell him to just go ahead since I was already there, but it just came out as sobbing. They said I was anxious and hyperventilating, but that wasn't true....I was just exhausted by my own crying.

So I cancelled today's appointment and the one on Wednesday too. I am SO embarrassed....I am not prone to anxiety and never make scenes like that. I am not myself at all and don't understand why.

Dan had to drive me the 15 miles back home, and I sobbed all the way. I tried to eat some lunch with a half-numb mouth and got ready for work. Don't ask me how I got through the shift...I have no idea.

I think I've made a mistake planning this vacation. If it was just a mobility problem, I'd just rent a wheelchair. But when I'm this exhausted, there is no way I can enjoy myself....in fact, I wouldn't even make it through my hometown airport.

I am soooo discouraged. I feel like this illness is robbing me of all normal activity. If only I could have a vacation from being sick.

I haven't even got the energy to be bitter....just sad. And embarrassed that I can't even handle a simple novacaine shot. What a life.

I don't know what else to say.

Pain level: 8
Fatigue level: 9

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