Sunday, August 08, 2004
Making the best of it....
Awakened too early today by the sounds of the dog crashing around like a rhino in a china shop. Had a really rotten headache. Decided to go back to bed and tried to get rid of the headache with some relaxation technique. Did get a bit more sleep and got the headache to back off somewhat.
While lying there, I started thinking about a short story I once read called "Flowers for Algernon" (later made into a move called "Charly", I believe). It's about a man of below-average intelligence who participates in an experiment to make him smarter. Not only does he get smarter, he actually becomes a genius, a process both wonderful and horrible. Sadly, the effects of the experiment are not permanent, and his mental capacity diminishes until he ends up right back where he started. I feel connected to that story right now, given the opportunity to utilize my real capacity for only a short time and doomed to return to the shadow of cognitive dysfunction. That's why it was so important for me to get out and enjoy myself today, while it was still possible.
I went to see "Fahrenheit 911" today. I've worked in and around the media for the better part of 20 years now....I've heard every conspiracy theory and "what the government doesn't want you to know" story there is. I thought there was nothing left to shock me. I was wrong. I literally sat in my theatre seat with my mouth agape. I was expecting some hype and exaggeration, but found little to point to, as the story practically told itself. There was very little about political parties here but a great deal about individuals, which should be our main concern in the first place. This movie did not change my opinion of the President at all... I never liked the man to start with. But it did make the deaths of 9/11 and in Iraq even more painful than they already were. I am grateful there are people like Michael Moore around who respect the intelligence of the American people enough to give them something to really challenge them.
After the movie, I went to Target. Since it appears I'm going to be doomed to wear grannyhose (support stockings to prevent edema in my feet) every time I'm out of the house for more than a few hours, shorts and skirts on the hottest days of the year are out. I went looking for some sleeveless tops to wear so at least some part of me can be cool. I found a style that fit and bought four of them, each a different color. I also found a microfiber bag a little larger than my fanny pack but smaller than my regular purse that has a long shoulder strap so I could wear it diagonally from one shoulder to the opposite hip, handy for the trip to the ballpark tomorrow.
I made one more stop after Target, to the local Blockbuster. I'd gotten a gift certificate to them for my birthday but hadn't had the energy to go there and use it until today. I got a heck of a deal on used DVDs....three for $25! I bought "School of Rock", "Scary Movie 3", and, believe it or not, the original version of "Night of the Living Dead". Went home feeling like I'd had a very productive day.
Can tell a huge difference between yesterday's 20mg dose of prednisone and today's 10mg. Feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest....how come I didn't notice this heaviness in my chest until it went away this week? I guess it must have come on very gradually before. The familiar aching fatigue is beginning to weigh me down too, and thinking is becoming an act of exertion again. It has taken me over an hour to type this entry so far.
Sunday's ballgame is looking like the last chance for me to have a normal good time before the sledgehammer of fatigue squashes me flat again. I am grateful at least to have had a glimpse of the unencumbered life....makes the descent into shadow easier to cope with. There's always going to be a hint of sadness, though, knowing my potential but not being able to tap into it.
Pain level: 6
Fatigue level: 6
While lying there, I started thinking about a short story I once read called "Flowers for Algernon" (later made into a move called "Charly", I believe). It's about a man of below-average intelligence who participates in an experiment to make him smarter. Not only does he get smarter, he actually becomes a genius, a process both wonderful and horrible. Sadly, the effects of the experiment are not permanent, and his mental capacity diminishes until he ends up right back where he started. I feel connected to that story right now, given the opportunity to utilize my real capacity for only a short time and doomed to return to the shadow of cognitive dysfunction. That's why it was so important for me to get out and enjoy myself today, while it was still possible.
I went to see "Fahrenheit 911" today. I've worked in and around the media for the better part of 20 years now....I've heard every conspiracy theory and "what the government doesn't want you to know" story there is. I thought there was nothing left to shock me. I was wrong. I literally sat in my theatre seat with my mouth agape. I was expecting some hype and exaggeration, but found little to point to, as the story practically told itself. There was very little about political parties here but a great deal about individuals, which should be our main concern in the first place. This movie did not change my opinion of the President at all... I never liked the man to start with. But it did make the deaths of 9/11 and in Iraq even more painful than they already were. I am grateful there are people like Michael Moore around who respect the intelligence of the American people enough to give them something to really challenge them.
After the movie, I went to Target. Since it appears I'm going to be doomed to wear grannyhose (support stockings to prevent edema in my feet) every time I'm out of the house for more than a few hours, shorts and skirts on the hottest days of the year are out. I went looking for some sleeveless tops to wear so at least some part of me can be cool. I found a style that fit and bought four of them, each a different color. I also found a microfiber bag a little larger than my fanny pack but smaller than my regular purse that has a long shoulder strap so I could wear it diagonally from one shoulder to the opposite hip, handy for the trip to the ballpark tomorrow.
I made one more stop after Target, to the local Blockbuster. I'd gotten a gift certificate to them for my birthday but hadn't had the energy to go there and use it until today. I got a heck of a deal on used DVDs....three for $25! I bought "School of Rock", "Scary Movie 3", and, believe it or not, the original version of "Night of the Living Dead". Went home feeling like I'd had a very productive day.
Can tell a huge difference between yesterday's 20mg dose of prednisone and today's 10mg. Feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest....how come I didn't notice this heaviness in my chest until it went away this week? I guess it must have come on very gradually before. The familiar aching fatigue is beginning to weigh me down too, and thinking is becoming an act of exertion again. It has taken me over an hour to type this entry so far.
Sunday's ballgame is looking like the last chance for me to have a normal good time before the sledgehammer of fatigue squashes me flat again. I am grateful at least to have had a glimpse of the unencumbered life....makes the descent into shadow easier to cope with. There's always going to be a hint of sadness, though, knowing my potential but not being able to tap into it.
Pain level: 6
Fatigue level: 6
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