Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Not my idea of a good time.....
I am not usually prone to much anxiety or melodrama, but I am not coping well right now. I feel like a real wimp. This was the best outlet I could think of.
I decided to cook something from scratch today while trying to stay on the diabetes diet. It was a disaster. My fibrofog caused me to miscalculate amounts on just about everything, so not only were my portion sizes wrong, the recipe I was using didn't come out right at all. I wasted energy I couldn't afford to spend on measuring stuff and figuring out how to adjust my meals the rest of the day to make up for the miscalculations at dinner. The result was an upset stomach and a migraine.
I was hoping to get a little housecleaning done while Dan was out of town because I wanted to surprise him. I took it nice and slow yesterday, only doing half the living room with lots of breaks and planning to do the other half this afternoon. Well, I got so wiped out from the cooking fiasco that I found myself staring at the TV tonight, wondering why I couldn't get anything done.
I hurt sooo bad tonight in spite of two consecutive nights of good sleep. How am I going to return to work in two weeks if I can't even clean one room? This is crazy.
Normally, I don't mind when Dan is out of town because I like a little alone time occasionally. Not this time. I miss him.
So it's after midnight now, technically my 41st birthday. This is the first birthday I have ever disliked, not because I feel old, but because I feel like I have failed myself. I feel like the illness has the upper hand, not me.
And I am getting a tooth filled this afternoon. It was the first available appointment when I had to re-schedule due to my grandmother's funeral. What was I thinking? What sort of idiot schedules a dental procedure on their own birthday??
I should call it a night, but I'm too tired to get up and go to bed. Makes me wonder what I'll be like 41 years from now. Too depressing to think about.
Pain level: 9
Fatigue level: 9
I decided to cook something from scratch today while trying to stay on the diabetes diet. It was a disaster. My fibrofog caused me to miscalculate amounts on just about everything, so not only were my portion sizes wrong, the recipe I was using didn't come out right at all. I wasted energy I couldn't afford to spend on measuring stuff and figuring out how to adjust my meals the rest of the day to make up for the miscalculations at dinner. The result was an upset stomach and a migraine.
I was hoping to get a little housecleaning done while Dan was out of town because I wanted to surprise him. I took it nice and slow yesterday, only doing half the living room with lots of breaks and planning to do the other half this afternoon. Well, I got so wiped out from the cooking fiasco that I found myself staring at the TV tonight, wondering why I couldn't get anything done.
I hurt sooo bad tonight in spite of two consecutive nights of good sleep. How am I going to return to work in two weeks if I can't even clean one room? This is crazy.
Normally, I don't mind when Dan is out of town because I like a little alone time occasionally. Not this time. I miss him.
So it's after midnight now, technically my 41st birthday. This is the first birthday I have ever disliked, not because I feel old, but because I feel like I have failed myself. I feel like the illness has the upper hand, not me.
And I am getting a tooth filled this afternoon. It was the first available appointment when I had to re-schedule due to my grandmother's funeral. What was I thinking? What sort of idiot schedules a dental procedure on their own birthday??
I should call it a night, but I'm too tired to get up and go to bed. Makes me wonder what I'll be like 41 years from now. Too depressing to think about.
Pain level: 9
Fatigue level: 9
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