Saturday, March 05, 2005
Post-funeral exhaustion.....
Went to my grandmother's funeral yesterday with about 30 members of my family. All of my immediate family over the age of five were there except one cousin. It was sunny and surprisingly warm for the outside ceremony.
The afternoon memorial service was at the church my grandmother had been a member of since 1951. There were perhaps 60 of us in attendance. It was the church of my childhood, so I remembered it well.
There was a soloist who sang "Ava Maria", which was my grandma's favorite. It made me cry, though, and for a moment, I didn't think I would get through what I had written for the service. I thought the younger family members needed to hear what it was like before Grandma developed Alzheimer's, though, so I managed to stumble through it.
After the service, we went to my aunt's and ate and socialized. I got home about 7:30 with an enormous headache and almost in tears from pain elsewhere, but I was still glad I went. I sat on the couch the rest of the night.
Today, I have not been able to stay out of bed for more than a few hours at a time. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised as I recall how much previous funerals have worn me out. I just hope I don't stay this way for long.
Thought I'd include here what I said at the memorial service yesterday:
"The author Harlan Ellison once wrote, "Eulogies are never for the dead. They are always for the living; to pay off debts; to say goodbye formally one last time. But no one should be sent down into darkness with too few words." Thus I wish to add my own words to this service.
"I am the eldest of Ayleene Clark's grandchildren. My memories of her go pretty far back, and some of them might be surprising or interesting to those of you who are younger. I spent a lot of my childhood with her, decades before her memory loss became disabling and before the anger and fear took control of her life.
"Pretty much every family gathering from the late 1960's to the early 1980's was spent at Grandma's house in Washington Park. There was a huge wooden table in the dining room suitable for feasts of all sizes. Many times, after dinner, it was time for games. The ones I remember particularly were Perquackie, Pinochle (which we called Pig's Knuckles) and Pit. Even when I was too young to play, I remember all the laughter these games would generate.
"Grandma was generous. When I was a kid, I think she really did believe the adage that the best thing about grandchildren was that you could spoil them and then send them back to their parents. I hope I didn't take too much advantage of the situation, but I do recall that she never denied me anything if she thought I needed it and if I asked nicely.
"For the better part of a few years during the 1970's, my sister Alicia and I would spend weekends at Grandma's house. My cousin Conni was there too. I remember wandering around in the attic to find troll dolls and model horses to play with, attaching adjustable roller skates to the bottoms of my shoes and trying to roll over zillions of cracks in the sidewalk, playing hide and seek in the yard, making cards, writing poems and trying to draw with Grandma's Tri-Chem paints. During the summers, we would go up to the cabin in the mountains. During the rest of the year, our parents, and often Uncle Don and Aunt Dianne would gather on Saturday nights to play card or board games, and then on Sundays, Grandma would take the grandkids to church.
"The trips to the cabin were really special. Grandma would dutifully honk her horn in the tunnels on the way there, and would buy cherry cider from the roadside stands. The cabin didn't have electricity or running water, so we really felt like we were roughing it even though we didn't have to sleep outdoors. Grandma endured our endless requests for junk food and didn't complain when I would put ketchup all over my scrambled eggs that she had just cooked over the fire. She also didn't seem to mind when I would make up dumb songs and then sing them over and over. She would hike with us sometimes and would let us pick wild raspberries as long as we washed them before we ate them. On some weekends, we'd spend most of a day in Central City, browsing the shops, especially the ones that had animals carved out of onyx or had any sort of candy, or touring one of the mines in a cart pulled by donkeys. One time we went on a tour of the historical homes. This was obviously before Central City decided to bring back casino gambling.
"On the Sundays that we would attend church, Grandma would have Conni, Alicia and I put on long dresses so we would look like little ladies. I usually went to Sunday school, which I believe went well except for me talking entirely too much. There were occasions when I sat in the congregation with the adults, and the only thing that I ever remember Grandma chastising me for was for fidgeting during the sermon. After church, we usually went to eat at IHOP or Village Inn. We must have been quite a sight, three young girls trying not to trip on their dresses, each with a doll in tow, chattering endlessly at their grandmother.
"Grandma loved classical music, and would play it on her stereo when I was visiting. When I showed a bit of interest, as soon as I got my own record player, she gave me my own vinyl album of classical from various sources. I played this even more often than I did my Disney songs. When I was old enough to sit quietly, she took me to see a live orchestra and eventually to see ballets of "Swan Lake" and "The Nutcracker". She took me to see artwork and the Natural History Museum and the zoo. And she didn't seem to mind sitting in the nosebleed section of the Denver Coliseum while Conni, Alicia and I watched the circus and got cotton candy in our hair.
"Grandma was the undisputed matriarch of the family. I will always think of her when I listen to a piano concerto, when I go to the mountains and see wild raspberries, and when I wear a dress to church. Family gatherings won't quite be the same without her.
"Thanks for listening today."
The afternoon memorial service was at the church my grandmother had been a member of since 1951. There were perhaps 60 of us in attendance. It was the church of my childhood, so I remembered it well.
There was a soloist who sang "Ava Maria", which was my grandma's favorite. It made me cry, though, and for a moment, I didn't think I would get through what I had written for the service. I thought the younger family members needed to hear what it was like before Grandma developed Alzheimer's, though, so I managed to stumble through it.
After the service, we went to my aunt's and ate and socialized. I got home about 7:30 with an enormous headache and almost in tears from pain elsewhere, but I was still glad I went. I sat on the couch the rest of the night.
Today, I have not been able to stay out of bed for more than a few hours at a time. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised as I recall how much previous funerals have worn me out. I just hope I don't stay this way for long.
Thought I'd include here what I said at the memorial service yesterday:
"The author Harlan Ellison once wrote, "Eulogies are never for the dead. They are always for the living; to pay off debts; to say goodbye formally one last time. But no one should be sent down into darkness with too few words." Thus I wish to add my own words to this service.
"I am the eldest of Ayleene Clark's grandchildren. My memories of her go pretty far back, and some of them might be surprising or interesting to those of you who are younger. I spent a lot of my childhood with her, decades before her memory loss became disabling and before the anger and fear took control of her life.
"Pretty much every family gathering from the late 1960's to the early 1980's was spent at Grandma's house in Washington Park. There was a huge wooden table in the dining room suitable for feasts of all sizes. Many times, after dinner, it was time for games. The ones I remember particularly were Perquackie, Pinochle (which we called Pig's Knuckles) and Pit. Even when I was too young to play, I remember all the laughter these games would generate.
"Grandma was generous. When I was a kid, I think she really did believe the adage that the best thing about grandchildren was that you could spoil them and then send them back to their parents. I hope I didn't take too much advantage of the situation, but I do recall that she never denied me anything if she thought I needed it and if I asked nicely.
"For the better part of a few years during the 1970's, my sister Alicia and I would spend weekends at Grandma's house. My cousin Conni was there too. I remember wandering around in the attic to find troll dolls and model horses to play with, attaching adjustable roller skates to the bottoms of my shoes and trying to roll over zillions of cracks in the sidewalk, playing hide and seek in the yard, making cards, writing poems and trying to draw with Grandma's Tri-Chem paints. During the summers, we would go up to the cabin in the mountains. During the rest of the year, our parents, and often Uncle Don and Aunt Dianne would gather on Saturday nights to play card or board games, and then on Sundays, Grandma would take the grandkids to church.
"The trips to the cabin were really special. Grandma would dutifully honk her horn in the tunnels on the way there, and would buy cherry cider from the roadside stands. The cabin didn't have electricity or running water, so we really felt like we were roughing it even though we didn't have to sleep outdoors. Grandma endured our endless requests for junk food and didn't complain when I would put ketchup all over my scrambled eggs that she had just cooked over the fire. She also didn't seem to mind when I would make up dumb songs and then sing them over and over. She would hike with us sometimes and would let us pick wild raspberries as long as we washed them before we ate them. On some weekends, we'd spend most of a day in Central City, browsing the shops, especially the ones that had animals carved out of onyx or had any sort of candy, or touring one of the mines in a cart pulled by donkeys. One time we went on a tour of the historical homes. This was obviously before Central City decided to bring back casino gambling.
"On the Sundays that we would attend church, Grandma would have Conni, Alicia and I put on long dresses so we would look like little ladies. I usually went to Sunday school, which I believe went well except for me talking entirely too much. There were occasions when I sat in the congregation with the adults, and the only thing that I ever remember Grandma chastising me for was for fidgeting during the sermon. After church, we usually went to eat at IHOP or Village Inn. We must have been quite a sight, three young girls trying not to trip on their dresses, each with a doll in tow, chattering endlessly at their grandmother.
"Grandma loved classical music, and would play it on her stereo when I was visiting. When I showed a bit of interest, as soon as I got my own record player, she gave me my own vinyl album of classical from various sources. I played this even more often than I did my Disney songs. When I was old enough to sit quietly, she took me to see a live orchestra and eventually to see ballets of "Swan Lake" and "The Nutcracker". She took me to see artwork and the Natural History Museum and the zoo. And she didn't seem to mind sitting in the nosebleed section of the Denver Coliseum while Conni, Alicia and I watched the circus and got cotton candy in our hair.
"Grandma was the undisputed matriarch of the family. I will always think of her when I listen to a piano concerto, when I go to the mountains and see wild raspberries, and when I wear a dress to church. Family gatherings won't quite be the same without her.
"Thanks for listening today."
Comments:
Post a Comment
