Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The nightmare that is my life..... 

Last night, I dreamed that I was surrounded by demons. I knew all of these demons and had some connection to each of them...I think a few were family members? They didn't look that different from the average person except their skin was tinted slightly, maybe red or black. But even though some of them were smiling, each had an evil disposition.

The demons' job apparently was to torture me. I could not escape or make them stop, and this was something I just had to accept and endure. They used clamps, pliers, hammers, icepicks, knives. They shot jolts of electricity through me. And they laughed. The more I yelled, the funnier they thought I was.

I woke myself up screaming. I don't know why this dream had seemed so real, but it had, and I trembled for an hour afterward. I think part of the reason is that in the dream, the clamps and pliers were being used on my hands, and when I woke up, my hands had sharp pains in them in the exact same places. Normally, I wouldn't do something like this, but I woke Dan up and asked him to hug me.

I already know what the dream was about. It was an excellent metaphor for what my life has become. The demons and their instruments of torture were my various ailments, and I could not escape because I cannot escape from being sick no matter what I do. I am trapped and made to suffer every single day. No, this is not an exaggeration. It is how it really feels.

Welcome to my world.

Pain level: 7
Fatigue level: 7

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