Monday, April 04, 2005

No return to work.... 

I was all ready to go, had my lunch packed in the car, etc. But my rheumatologist would not authorize me to return. He believes I am not fit to go back to work.

I have an emergency appointment with him tomorrow to discuss whether I should file with Social Security. I'm pretty sure this is what's going to happen since he told me a year ago he thought I should go on disability. But I kept hoping I would get better.

He's right of course. I'm in no shape to work. But I've had no income in a month and was afraid my supervisor would lay me off so I wouldn't qualify for long-term disability (I have insurance).

I called my union rep to let him know the situation. I am going to call the union president tomorrow after my rheumatologist appointment to see what I need to do to keep my benefits. And then maybe I'll start contacting docs for medical records and download some Social Security documents.

I thought I would be relieved when this finally happened. But I've been in tears off and on since this afternoon. I was really counting on a few more months of full paychecks.

And this is really stressing Dan out. He won't be able to accept a job elsewhere in town for less pay unless we sell our house. We may have to move anyway....with only one wage earner, we'll have to go wherever he can make a good income.

I guess this is no one's idea of a good time. But I feel really unprepared. It's like being pushed into a swimming pool in the winter....don't know if I'll sink, swim, or crack my head on the ice.

Pain level: 8
Fatigue level: 8

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