Sunday, June 26, 2005

A pirate's life for me and other daydreams..... 

Promised a friend that tonight we would see a movie. Unfortunately, nothing was playing in the theatre that we hadn't already seen that seemed promising, so we decided to just watch a DVD. We got some Cal/Mex fast food (burritos can be gluten free if you have them put the contents in a bowl and leave off the tortilla) and watched "Pirates of the Caribbean". I forgot just how much I loved that movie! Johnny Depp's Keith Richard imitation was soooo over the top! And Orlando Bloom.....well, I don't understand why the female lead doesn't fall for him the minute she sees him, but that's just my bias. My friend and I had a good ol' time, shouting "Arrrrgh!!" at all the appropriate (and a few inappropriate) moments. I wanna be a pirate, even though I probably couldn't heft a sword too well. Sort of a romantic notion, sailing the world, beholden to nothing except the pursuit of treasure. Not that different from me wishing I had a Harley, really. Today's bikers are yesterday's pirates, if you think about it. Such a sense of freedom, open road or open seas. And I want Orlando Bloom's hat that he wears at the end of the movie, the one with the powder blue feather on it. Good thing Dan finds me amusing; other husbands would probably be very annoyed with a wife that walks up to them brandishing a butter knife as if it were a sword and declaring "Avast!".

Having real trouble writing any poems of my own; it's not that I'm not inspired, but I lose my thoughts somewhere between idea and the act of writing them down. Ironically, I have a half finished poem right in front of me now; believe it or not, it was about the worsening of my cognitive problems! I'm trying to decide if that's funny or sad or both.

I've been spending a lot of time reading the journals of people I admire. I guess I'm trying to distract myself from the fact that I'm not coping well by finding examples of people who are. What has happened is that I have lost my sense of direction as far as life goals are concerned, not that I was ever that ambitious, but I was at least reliable. Now I'm facing no career, no income, no vacations, very little in person interaction. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't also lost a great deal of my creativity and intellect. I know this sounds melodramatic, but I feel as though I'm in danger of dwindling into nothing. I guess the only remedy for this is time. And I appreciate the good fortune that I still have, which includes a healthy marriage, friendships with extraordinary people, excellent health care, and the ability to rarely be bored.

I guess there's only one thing to say at this point: Avast!!

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