Saturday, June 11, 2005

Thoughts on thoughts..... 

I'm trying to be patient with the Provigil and hope that it will be something helpful long-term. So far it hasn't been too impressive, though. While it is nice not to be actively dozing off (at least until it wears off each day), I still get exhausted by any little exertion and can't think my way out of a paper bag. The reason I had my hopes so high was that when I had the neuropsyche exam done in October, they blamed all my cognitive dysfunction on daytime sleepiness caused by a possible sleep disorder. When the sleep study revealed the periodic limb movement disorder, I was told that if I could get rid of the twitching and/or stop dozing off during the day, I would be able to think clearly again. Makes sense. But now I'm less confident that the docs are right. Unless this is something that will improve over the next few weeks with the Provigil, I think the cognitive dysfunction may continue even if I'm alert. The only thing I have tried so far that helped my cognitive function was prednisone, which I'm guessing means the main cause is autoimmune rather than as a result of a sleep disorder. I already tried low-dose prednisone therapy without success, and high dose is way too dangerous except for emergencies.

The bottom line is that I have to be able to think clearly to return to work. The agency has completely switched over to new software for my job, and I've not had any training on it. I have to be able to learn a whole new way to do my job and learn it fast. Right now I can't even remember how to use the stuff I had months of training on. Before I went on leave, I spent probably a third of each shift rechecking my work over and over and fixing mistakes I made before the boss caught me. I'm not sure i can continue to fake competency, especially on new software.

Maybe I'll gain a few IQ points when I start the Lunesta at the end of the month. It's a new sleep aid to replace the Ambien I've been taking for the past three years. Any dramatic improvement would really surprise me, though.

Maybe I should ask the Wizard for a new brain? Sigh.

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