Wednesday, October 05, 2005
The agony I've been hiding.....
Ok, I talked to the rheumatologist today about how my pain levels have escalated to the point that they're 8-10 on a scale of 1-10 every single day now. And how the Dilaudid, the emergency pain med prescribed by my primary care doc, no longer helps. And how I just didn't think it was necessary for me to suffer this much.
His response was predictable: alarm that I was indicating I needed something stronger than Dilaudid for pain and/or daily use of narcotics. Lectures about the vicious cycle of narcotic pain meds and their side effects. And a statement that he was not comfortable prescribing such strong medicine.
I've been going to this rheumatologist for five years and am reluctant to switch docs while I'm in the midst of trying to get approved for SSDI. I might not be able to find another that supports my claim. So I'm probably gonna stick with this guy, which means I'll have to resort to a pain management doc in addition to him because no other type of doc in my state will even try to prescribe meds as strong as I need.
I am reluctant to do this. My last search for a pain management doc took multiple tries, several hundred dollars after I finally found one, and only temporary relief. I am soooo burned out on docs and don't relish the idea of waiting three months to see a specialist and going through additional months of trial and error and side effects.
But I am just as tired of being undertreated, of crying from pain a few days a week as opposed to once every few months, of not being taken seriously by the medical community. I know my ailments aren't curable, but it seems to me that they don't have to be this unbearable every single day. I do wonder, though, that if I do begin taking daily pain meds whether Social Security will deny my claim, stating that I should be able to work if I am in less pain.
The pain is presently robbing me of quality of life. I want to have a positive outlook, I really do, but the pain is a 24/7 distraction. It's like trying to dance with an elephant sitting on you.
I've put up with daily agony for eight years now. I suppose if I had to, I could continue to cope without meds. I have to be prepared that I may be told I have to keep on going just as I am now.
But this elephant is so heavy.
His response was predictable: alarm that I was indicating I needed something stronger than Dilaudid for pain and/or daily use of narcotics. Lectures about the vicious cycle of narcotic pain meds and their side effects. And a statement that he was not comfortable prescribing such strong medicine.
I've been going to this rheumatologist for five years and am reluctant to switch docs while I'm in the midst of trying to get approved for SSDI. I might not be able to find another that supports my claim. So I'm probably gonna stick with this guy, which means I'll have to resort to a pain management doc in addition to him because no other type of doc in my state will even try to prescribe meds as strong as I need.
I am reluctant to do this. My last search for a pain management doc took multiple tries, several hundred dollars after I finally found one, and only temporary relief. I am soooo burned out on docs and don't relish the idea of waiting three months to see a specialist and going through additional months of trial and error and side effects.
But I am just as tired of being undertreated, of crying from pain a few days a week as opposed to once every few months, of not being taken seriously by the medical community. I know my ailments aren't curable, but it seems to me that they don't have to be this unbearable every single day. I do wonder, though, that if I do begin taking daily pain meds whether Social Security will deny my claim, stating that I should be able to work if I am in less pain.
The pain is presently robbing me of quality of life. I want to have a positive outlook, I really do, but the pain is a 24/7 distraction. It's like trying to dance with an elephant sitting on you.
I've put up with daily agony for eight years now. I suppose if I had to, I could continue to cope without meds. I have to be prepared that I may be told I have to keep on going just as I am now.
But this elephant is so heavy.
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