browser life

The "detour" from regular blogging I mentioned several days ago, the detailed documentation of what it feels like to have fibromyalgia, is underway. I of course put it off for awhile, partly because I managed to catch whatever virus Dan got from a co-worker and so was feeling pretty much like death warmed over. But then I got word from my primary care doc that my long-term disability insurance company has contacted her to fill out paperwork regarding my health status, and that pretty much lit a fire under my butt.

I started with what I thought would be a straightforward symptomology, first just the ones off the top of my head, and then comparing it to symptom lists I found on Fibrohugs and A Hummingbird's Guide (both on my Links list) and adding the ones I had in common. Before I knew it, though, my "simple" notations included over 95 symptoms! Obviously, I will do some consolidating so my documentation doesn't take me a year to complete.

Then, last night, I started trying to go into detail about what it actually felt like to be unable to get out of bed. It was surprisingly much more difficult than I expected, and I'm afraid I no longer possess the creative writing skill to communicate it effectively. But I will forge on anyway, figuring it will either get easier, that my descriptions will get better, or that I will at least get basic points across to make my time invested worthwhile.

I'm shocked that I got so rusty so fast. But then, I really shouldn't be. I had to give up poetry writing a few years ago when I lost the ability to maintain a consistent metaphor long enough to construct a proper framework around it; I mean, I could think of a metaphor, but I couldn't find more than one or two things to say about it, and usually, the result was rather less than eloquent.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.