browser life

Time for some more twisted humor. This one is courtesy of Dr. Karen....


The Love Story

The love story of Ralph and Edna.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Perhaps I am not the only one twisted enough to find this funny. I've received it multiple times, most recently from Ducky and my seester....

HOW THE FIGHT STARTED

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo stressed and life seems to get funny?

Well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"

. . . and THAT'S when the fight started .

As I've mentioned before, things have been tight financially lately, especially since my long term disability insurance company terminated my benefits in October. I was thinking I was gonna get some kind of break when I filed my taxes as I usually get a significant refund due to huge medical expenses. But I was totally outraged to discover that I actually OWE the government money, for the first time in my life!

What happened was this: I received a disability pension in 2007 that included back payment for 2006. This was used to pay debts incurred in 2006 when I had practically zero income. But I'd had no taxes taken out because when I filled out the form W-4P, it was determined that my pension was too small to affect my tax situation much.

Because I got a lump sum in 2007, even though it included an amount for prior years, I had to include the whole sum for 2007 income. That bumped me up into a higher tax bracket. And that, in return, made more of my SSDI taxable.

So even though we had less total income, more mortgage interest and more medical expenses than last year, the amount we were taxed was significantly higher, over three times higher than last year! And I made just a few dollars too many to qualify me for the disability tax credit. If I am so "rich" on paper, what have I got to show for it?

It is incredibly frustrating, being considered too wealthy by the government to qualify for any breaks but not quite wealthy enough to be considered truly middle class. It isn't right when someone has one-fourth of their adjusted gross income going to medical expenses but still can't deduct enough to offset taxes. I know others are far less fortunate than I am, but I still feel like the government is unfairly punishing me.

If the politicians running for president were truly serious about helping with the tax situation, they would eliminate the 7.5 percent limitation on medical deductions and eliminate tax on SSDI benefits. Just doing that would help millions of Americans, many of whom are just barely getting by. That would be much more of an economic stimulus than the current rebate plan, and it might enable people to buy insurance who can't otherwise afford it.

I wouldn't be half so angry if I'd been living some extravagant lifestyle and could remedy the situation by foregoing a country club membership or something. But I filled out all the paperwork correctly and checked it three times, and it's just an unfortunate aberration. It's just much harder to shrug off this debt because I don't have an abundance of discretionary income.

I know I'm not the only one who experiences stuff like this. It causes me more stress than my illness does.

Stupid government.

Humor break! Got this from Dr. Karen....


You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop
off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and
on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In
front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you
cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and
zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely
get out of this highly dangerous situation?


* Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round. *

Time for some funny stuff, courtesy of Ducky. Here are some new answers to a very old question....


Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHIL: "The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems".

OPRAH: "Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens."

GEORGE W. BUSH: "We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here."

COLIN POWELL: "Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road..." .

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: "We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road."

JOHN KERRY: "Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it, unless I receive further information about it."

NANCY GRACE: "That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks."

PAT BUCHANAN: "To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American."

MARTHA STEWART: "No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information."

DR SEUSS: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told."

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: "To die in the rain. Alone."

JERRY FALWELL: "Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that."

GRANDPA: "In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough."

BARBARA WALTERS: "Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road."

JOHN LENNON: "Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace."

ARISTOTLE: "It is the nature of chickens to cross the road."

BILL GATES: "I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot."

ALBERT EINSTEIN: "Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? "

BILL CLINTON: "I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? "

AL GORE: "BECAUSE IT WAS GETTING TOO DAMN HOT ON HIS SIDE OF THE ROAD!!! HE WAS LOOKING FOR COOLER WEATHER OR HE WAS GOING TO DIE, DIE DIE!!! Besides, I invented the chicken."

COLONEL SANDERS: "Did I miss one?"

DICK CHENEY: "Where's my gun?"

AL SHARPTON: "Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens."

HILLARY CLINTON: "I have vast experience with chickens and if elected, I will ensure that EVERY chicken has the ability to cross any road they desire."

The term "post-exertional malaise" sounds completely different from what it really is; I always thought it sounded like what a person would experience when they woke up with a hangover after sleeping with the wrong person, heh heh. But seriously, in a person with chronic illness like me, what it means is a horrible, sometimes debilitating exhaustion that follows physical activity and can last multiple days, weeks, months or years. The CFIDSLink Newsletter had a rather interesting article about it....

Science and Legal News on Postexertional Malaise

Post-exertional malaise is rather underestimated by doctors and healthy people, and the chronically ill are often accused of being lazy rather than having a legitimate reason for not tolerating exercise. Certainly my long-term disability insurance company will never consider it as a cause of disability and will rely on biased one-day functional capacity exams as "proof" that a claimant is free of impairment. How convenient for them.

Speaking of malaise, I am really hoping this lousy fibromyalgia flare will ease up so I can get more done on the computer. I wanna get started on the taxes because I need to use the refund to pay the Mayo Clinic. And I'd like to do some fun stuff in iTunes and finish gathering 2006 and 2007 pix so I can make prints for a photo album.

These days, just thinking about working out is a workout, heh heh.

I found this to be an amusing analogy, perhaps because I own a Mac? Another Mac owner, Dr. Karen, sent me this....


Is Obama a Mac and Clinton a PC?

Haven't spent much time on the computer; too many damned headaches and not enough energy to be very productive. But I have managed to watch a ton o' movies on the DVR, which I intend to review at some point.

How 'bout some laughs at the expense of the possible future First Gentleman? Thanks to Dr. Karen for this clip from Frank TV....

Bill Clinton Library

At this point, I'm gonna vote for whomever gets the Democratic nomination, not because I'm a Democrat, but because I cannot stand the idea of having another Republican. At least the choices for independents like me are more interesting than usual.

Have you been following the ongoing "feud" between Matt Damon and Jimmy Kimmel? Here's a link to the whole "saga", sent to me by Greg; be sure you watch all four videos for maximum laughs....

Matt Damon vs. Jimmy Kimmel!

Have not abandoned the blog, but have been sidetracked. Will post soon about what I've been up to, including what a pain in the butt it is to have your credit card number stolen....