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Have seen variations of this before, but it's still hilarious. This one courtesy of Pete....

Received this forwarded message from someone in our Drug and Alcohol Prevention program ... Wonder if the job is getting to him?  
 

Christmas Cookie Recipe


1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda

1 cup of sugar

1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar

lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Crown Royal Whiskey

1. Sample the Crown Royal to check quality.
2. Take a large bowl, check the Crown Royal again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
3. Turn on the electric mixer...beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. 
4. Add one teaspoon of sugar...beat again.
5. At this point it's best to make sure the Crown Royal is still OK, try another cup.. just in case.
6. Turn off the mixer thingy.
7. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor...
8. Mix on the turner.
9. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a dewscriver.
10. Sample the Crown Royal to check for tonsisticity.
11. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something....who giveshz a sheet.
12. Check the Crown Royal.
13. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
14. Add one table.
15. Add a spoon of ar, or somefink ... whatever you can find.
16. Greash the oven.
17. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
18. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
19. Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
20. Finish the bottle of Crown Royal.
21. Make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas!