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I no longer have many outlets for handling stress. Thanks to gastroparesis, I can no longer eat myself into a coma. I can no longer storm out of the house and walk really fast for a couple of hours to clear my head and get those feel-good endorphins going. If I were to throw something in anger, all it would do is cause me additional physical pain. I am too broke to either purchase or download a ton of new music. I can't drive to the mountains for an "escape" day because I now live on the seemingly endless prairie. I am stuck in a house in a city and state I don't like, far away from my family and most of my friends, unable for the most part to feel very useful. I did get fed up with sitting around and attempted to dust away the cobwebs in the living room and Windex the front window, which naturally aggravated the compressed disk in my back that I re-injured five weeks ago. The only helpful outlet I have is venting on the internet. So here goes.....

First, there is the fore-mentioned back injury. I had FINALLY stopped having daily pain from it for about two months following ten months of agony. All I was doing was reaching for a container of cinnamon, and BAM, the dagger pain in the spine returns! I immediately iced it and started the routine from last year of muscle relaxants, stretches, Icy Hot patches at bedtime, extra massage therapy and chiropractic, TENS unit, etc. It's not as bad as last year's injury, but I cannot get it to settle down. I am frustrated because I am doing everything I should do for it with very little reward after five long weeks.

The back injury, of course, brought on a flare which will not let up either. It is interfering with my ability to enjoy social activity with Dan's family, like our nephew's third birthday party. Last week, Dan's grandfather's wife fell and broke her shoulder. She was put in a rehab facility, leaving no one to care for her husband. Dan's grandfather had to fly by himself from Florida to South Dakota so Dan's mom could take care of him. While it is really cool that Dan's grandfather is in town and that several of his family members are coming to visit this week, I seriously do not feel up to the get-togethers that are going on. I will attend, of course, but I hope I am not a complete zombie during them and that they don't make this flare even worse.

Earlier this week, my dad called and told me that the doctors had found a tumor on his bladder. They are making plans to remove it, but I don't have details on that yet. This comes on the heel of my step-mother's recent back surgery and hospitalization for double pneumonia. Being two states away, I can't visit the hospital and don't really know what's going on unless someone calls and tells me. Not that I am any sort of caretaker anyway, but still.

Then yesterday, the whole long-term disability insurance company and lawyer debacle, the full story of which is a few posts down. I cannot seem to stop brooding about it. I don't want to believe there is nothing left for me to do even though that is the truth of the matter. I've had fleeting thoughts of writing to writing to the Democratic Congressman from South Dakota and/or President Obama, but I doubt it would do any good. It would probably just wear me out further.

And today, Dan came home from work with a form from his employer stating that they are changing dental insurance in just five weeks. This new plan won't cover root canals, crowns or gum surgery for the first year. This really SUCKS because Dan was supposed to have gum surgery this fall! And it's not particularly good news for me either because having Sjogren's means I never know what's gonna happen with my teeth. I had five crowns and four root canals in the space of just three years. I take excellent care of my mouth, but I can't guarantee I won't need work on any of my teeth prior to October 2011.

I usually can handle a stressful event after a day or two, but this a bit much. You know those old variety show acts where there's a guy spinning plates simultaneously? I have too many doggone plates in the air right now, and nowhere to hide when they come crashing down.