browser life

I started writing poetry when I was eight years old. It came easily to me, perhaps too easily. I took this ability for granted until I got sick in 1997, when, due to cognitive dysfunction, I began to have trouble sustaining a metaphor and coming up with synonyms, and I stopped writing them altogether in 2005 when I could not complete a poem about, of all things, writer's block.

When I found out my church was hosting a writing seminar inspired by the Psalms, I changed my mind several times about whether or not I should sign up. With my limited energy, I have to be extremely cautious about commitments. And I thought that even if I did manage to write my own psalm (the goal of the seminar), I might be embarrassed about how much the quality of my writing has deteriorated.

But then I found out last week that I would have to have a breast biopsy, and between that and thinking about my dad's cancer, I desperately needed a distraction that didn't involve food since I can't binge eat anymore. So I signed up for the seminar, figuring that if nothing else, I would learn more about the Psalms, which have always fascinated me. And maybe I'd be able to knock something loose in my addled brain, which would be a bonus.

The workshop was taught by Ray McGinnis, who is doing a 29 city tour of the U.S. and Canada. He is the author of "Writing the Sacred: A Psalm-Inspired Path to Appreciating and Writing Sacred Poetry". There were 25 of us in attendance, some who were writers, some who had never written, and the rest somewhere in between.

We took a look at some of the psalms in the Bible and their recurrent themes and forms. We also looked at modern interpretations of them and of other religious inspirations. I was struck by how simple they were and yet how they got right to the core of universal emotions.

We had been given a packet with some worksheets in it. One of them had a list of phrases from psalms. Our writing exercise was to use at least one of the phrases as a jumping off point for our own thoughts and see where that took us spiritually.

I went with lightning as metaphor and wrote my version of a confessional psalm. When I got stuck, and I did a few times, I looked at the list of phrases, grabbed one, and continued. I stopped when time was called.

I was surprised that the end result did seem to have a coherence. And because everyone in the room used the same list of phrases, I did not have to be embarrassed about "stealing" an idea. I realized that I don't always have to create something out of nothing, that incorporating existing ideas can actually lead to something new.

Was this as good as what I used to write without so much effort? No. But I was also not disappointed with the result.

I did acquire Mr. McGinnis' book and plan to use the exercises contained within. Perhaps in time I will again be able to compose poetry without assignments. But even if I continue to need prompts, it will ease some of the void I've been feeling over the past five years.

Here is what I wrote tonight:


Flashes of lightning cascade across the sky,
Illuminating what I do not want to see.
Lightning inspiring, yet overwhelming.
Sometimes, it strikes.
Other times, less direct,
but its beauty more obvious.
I do not want to look away,
but fear being blinded.

Yet even when lightning strikes,
and I am wounded,
I stand.
I stand on solid ground.
You, my creator,
my brilliant earth,
do not crumble beneath me.

Hidden foundations
I too seldom acknowledge
Bolster me,
have always bolstered me,
will always bolster me.

Give me the strength to look
at what is illuminated.