Saturday, January 08, 2011
Rave of the Day for January 8, 2011:
For those of you lucky enough to be employed, next time someone asks what you actually DO all day, show them this! Funny courtesy of the world-famous 2003 archives, heh heh....
Time Sheets
TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING
It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.
Thank you,
Accounting
Attached: Extended Job-Code List Code and Explanation
• 5316 Useless Meeting
• 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
• 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
• 5319 Waiting for Break
• 5320 Waiting for Lunch
• 5321 Waiting for End of Day
• 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
• 5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
• 5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
• 5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
• 5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
• 5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
• 5481 Buying Snack
• 5482 Eating Snack
• 5500 Filling Out Time Sheet
• 5501 Inventing Time Sheet Entries
• 5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
• 5503 Scratching Yourself
• 5504 Sleeping
• 5510 Feeling Bored
• 5600 Complaining About Lousy Job
• 5601 Complaining About Low Pay
• 5602 Complaining About Long Hours
• 5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
• 5604 Complaining About Boss
• 5605 Complaining About Personal Problems
• 5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
• 5701 Not Actually Present At Job
• 5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
• 6102 Ordering Out
• 6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
• 6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
• 6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
• 6201 Stealing Company Goods
• 6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
• 6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
• 6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
• 6205 Hiding from Boss
• 6206 Gossip
• 6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
• 6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself
• 6211 Updating Resume
• 6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
• 6213 Out of Office on Interview
• 6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
• 6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
• 6223 Pretending You Like Coworker
• 6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
• 6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
• 6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
• 6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
• 6602 Complaining
• 6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
• 6611 Staring Into Space
• 6612 Staring At Computer Screen
• 6615 Transcendental Meditation
• 7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least ten minutes)
• 7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
• 7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone
• 7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone
• 7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone
• 7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone
• 7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone
• 7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
• 7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
• 7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
• 8000 Recreational Drug Use
• 8001 Non-recreational Drug Use
• 8002 Liquid Lunch
• 8100 Reading e-mail
Time Sheets
TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING
It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.
Thank you,
Accounting
Attached: Extended Job-Code List Code and Explanation
• 5316 Useless Meeting
• 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
• 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
• 5319 Waiting for Break
• 5320 Waiting for Lunch
• 5321 Waiting for End of Day
• 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
• 5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
• 5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
• 5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
• 5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
• 5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
• 5481 Buying Snack
• 5482 Eating Snack
• 5500 Filling Out Time Sheet
• 5501 Inventing Time Sheet Entries
• 5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
• 5503 Scratching Yourself
• 5504 Sleeping
• 5510 Feeling Bored
• 5600 Complaining About Lousy Job
• 5601 Complaining About Low Pay
• 5602 Complaining About Long Hours
• 5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
• 5604 Complaining About Boss
• 5605 Complaining About Personal Problems
• 5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
• 5701 Not Actually Present At Job
• 5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
• 6102 Ordering Out
• 6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
• 6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
• 6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
• 6201 Stealing Company Goods
• 6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
• 6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
• 6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
• 6205 Hiding from Boss
• 6206 Gossip
• 6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
• 6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself
• 6211 Updating Resume
• 6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
• 6213 Out of Office on Interview
• 6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
• 6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
• 6223 Pretending You Like Coworker
• 6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
• 6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
• 6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
• 6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
• 6602 Complaining
• 6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
• 6611 Staring Into Space
• 6612 Staring At Computer Screen
• 6615 Transcendental Meditation
• 7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least ten minutes)
• 7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
• 7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone
• 7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone
• 7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone
• 7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone
• 7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone
• 7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
• 7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
• 7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
• 8000 Recreational Drug Use
• 8001 Non-recreational Drug Use
• 8002 Liquid Lunch
• 8100 Reading e-mail
Comments:
Ha! I would love to put some of these on an actual timesheet. Sadly, I'm on salary--no timesheet required. :D
I once worked someplace where my boss decided that I should document every single aspect of my job so as to more easily train new hires. Then I got in trouble for not getting enough work done because I was too busy with my documentation! LOL!
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