Monday, February 21, 2011
Rave of the Day for February 21, 2011:
Outdated? Yes. Funny? Of course. Source? Why the 2002 archives, naturally.
WHY DOGS DON'T USE COMPUTERS
1. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
3. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
4. Too difficult to "mark" every web site they visit.
5. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
6. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
7. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
8. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that virtual Frisbee.
9. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
10. Still trying to come up with an emoticon that signifies tail wagging.
11. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
12. Saliva coated floppy disks refuse to work.
13. SIT and STAY were hard enough; GREP and AWK are out of the question!
14. Distracted by cats chasing the mouse.
15. TrO{gO HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. ("Too hard to type with paws!")
16. Oh, but they WILL...with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
17. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand....
18. Barking in the next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
19. SmellU-SmellME still in beta test.
20. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
21. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup alt.picture.master's.leg.
22. Butt-sniffing more direct & less deceiving than online chat rooms.
WHY DOGS DON'T USE COMPUTERS
1. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
3. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
4. Too difficult to "mark" every web site they visit.
5. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
6. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
7. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
8. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that virtual Frisbee.
9. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
10. Still trying to come up with an emoticon that signifies tail wagging.
11. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
12. Saliva coated floppy disks refuse to work.
13. SIT and STAY were hard enough; GREP and AWK are out of the question!
14. Distracted by cats chasing the mouse.
15. TrO{gO HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. ("Too hard to type with paws!")
16. Oh, but they WILL...with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
17. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand....
18. Barking in the next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
19. SmellU-SmellME still in beta test.
20. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
21. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup alt.picture.master's.leg.
22. Butt-sniffing more direct & less deceiving than online chat rooms.
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