Sunday, June 17, 2012

Rave of the Day for June 17, 2012: 

These Father's Day funnies come from the last remaining archives circa 2003. I'm guessing Ducky may have sent it to me in an e-mail originally.....

Dad's Top Ten Diapering Tips

Mothers prefer diapers with Disney cartoon characters over those featuring Beavis & Butthead or Itchy & Scratchy.

A clean disposable diaper makes a great snow bonnet.

The Ride of the Valkyries at high volume can soothe a crying baby during a diaper change.

Diapers don't do well in a compost heap, not even if you run them through the mulcher first.

Check every trash can in the house daily for dirty diapers, especially the one in your study.

If you're ever tempted to swear during a 4:00 a.m. diaper change, turn off the baby monitor first.

For a great diapering experience, fire up Brahms' Lullaby on every music box, plush toy and baby mobile you've got.

By the time you think to check it, you needn't bother -- the diaper is always wet.

Don't expect to ever look at peanut butter the same way again.

 Beware the dreaded Fountain of Youth! The kid got me right in the eye!


Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating's not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies--ya know--that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. What do I want for Father's Day? Aahh -- don't worry about that. It's no big deal. (Okay, they might say it. But they don't mean it)

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