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Another great article from But You Don't Look Sick. If you think it's bad enough having a chronic illness, try not knowing WHAT'S wrong with you....

Lost in the Land of the Undiagnosed

I went for six years not knowing I had an autoimmune disease. Once diagnosed, all of a sudden, my rheumatologist took me seriously, I had a support group with whom to compare notes, and I could actually try to treat what was wrong. And then three years later, I moved to another state, where the moron docs promptly UN-diagnosed me and told me I couldn't possibly be disabled. It was like starting all over again, trying to be taken seriously. Now that the Mayo Clinic has re-confirmed the Sjogren's, I might not have to go through this again, but there are no guarantees in life.

Got this link from the CFIDS newsletter. This woman is my hero, not because of her disease, but because of her amazing writing. "Seabiscuit" was simply fantastic.

Laura Hillenbrand releases new book while fighting chronic fatigue syndrome

The part about the Purple Heart brought tears to my eyes, that somebody could understand the hell in which this woman lives and how heroic are the results (the books) of the only way she can escape it. When you have an ailment that can seriously compromise cognitive function, it is a monumental effort to be as thorough with the research and the vivid language as Ms. Hillenbrand is. Bravo on this latest achievement.

"Bad things are not the worst things that can happen to us. Nothing is the worst thing that can happen to us. An easy life doesn't teach us anything. In the end, it's the learning that counts.

"There's two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. There is no disaster that can't become a blessing, and no blessing that can't become a disaster."

- Jenn Smull, Columbine student

I'm currently battling bronchitis, so I was really in need of some funny. Fortunately, Joan came to the rescue:


Truths for Mature Humans
 
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection… again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year? 

29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

"You don't have to be perfect to be a light in a dark, dark world."

- Beth Nimmo, mother of Rachel Scott (killed at Columbine High School)

"Faith makes things possible – not easy."

- Columbine High School Memorial

Found this via a Facebook link. Glad there's actually a good reason for us to crave the stuff....

Dark Chocolate for Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Of course, they didn't have to conduct an expensive study to find this out. They could have just asked me, heh heh. I have a single square (one-quarter of a serving) of 72% Cacao chocolate every day.

"When there seems no way out . . . . let God in."

- Columbine High School Memorial

This was made in connection with the BlogBlast for Peace on November 4....

"Love is stronger than death."

- Columbine High School Memorial

Reader's Digest article on easy ways to de-stress. Link courtesy of a Facebook fibromyalgia site (although these will work for anyone):

20 Simple Ways to Get Happy

I particularly like #2. I had no idea that just the ANTICIPATION of laughter releases endorphins. Maybe that's why I start laughing at some people's jokes before they reach the punchline, heh heh.

glitter-graphics.com

An article of mine from 2005 has been re-posted on But You Don't Look Sick. A lot has changed for me since I wrote it, but the basic ideas expressed are still appropriate....

The Blessings of Chronic Illness?

It has been more of a challenge to stay positive after moving to South Dakota and being confronted by disbelieving doctors. And there are people in my life (I decline to hint at whom) who equate my illness with moral weakness and laziness. But I still manage to be happy for the most part and try my best to appreciate whatever good comes my way.


How 'bout some funny? This gem courtesy of Valerie....


Daddy, how was I born? 



A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
 


The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 



You've got Male!"

"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

- Columbine High School Memorial

Got this in an e-mail for a nutritional supplement newsletter. It assumes that the reader is healthy, but it is still a good list:

10 Things to Be Thankful For

I am particularly thankful for: the roof over my head, food to eat, my awesome husband, my church, my friends, a car to drive, a computer, home entertainment, clean air to breathe and for not being any sicker than I am. As for the not-so-great things in my life, a sense of humor really helps.

Excellent article from But You Don't Look Sick. It could apply to the healthy as well....

My Friends in the Box

I don't know what I would do without a computer. Most of my friends are in it, heh heh.

Excellent article from the author of "Living Gluten Free for Dummies". Courtesy of the Celiac.com newsletter:

Talking to Others About the Gluten-Free Diet by Danna Korn

One thing I should add is a reminder that family members may forget your restrictions, particularly if they are trying to feed a crowd and/or small kids. If you aren't going to be able to wait to eat until you get home, bring a safe snack with you just in case (particularly important if you are also diabetic). If someone gets offended that you won't eat what they cooked even after you've explained that it will make you sick, that's their problem, not yours. I'd rather sit at the table socializing with my safe snack than eating something risky that could cause me to have embarrassing symptoms.

"Hatred never ceases by hatred; by love alone it is healed. This is the timeless and eternal law. Forgiveness is primarily for our own sake, so that we no longer carry the burden of resentment. Our hearts are already heavy enough."

- The Gatekeeper
Columbine High School memorial

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go; some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same."

- Columbine High School memorial

Wrote this for But You Don't Look Sick today:

I was fortunate enough to see this on opening day with a friend. It is based upon the final book in the Harry Potter series, but due to the length of the story, this film only covers the first portion of the book. Part 2 will be released in theatres July 2011. I saw the regular version rather than 3D. Caution: for those of you who have not already read the book, some of the following may be considered spoilers.

As the Harry Potter saga draws to a close, "The Deathly Hallows Part 1" has a different, more personal feel than the six previous films. Harry and his friends Hermione and Ron are now of legal age (17 in the wizarding world), and because they are being pursued by the evil Lord Voldemort and his followers, they do not attend what would have been their final year at Hogwart's. Without the school as a backdrop, we focus on the relationship between the three teens and the nearly insurmountable task they face: that of finding and destroying Horcruxes, which are objects or creatures which contain a portion of Voldemort's soul. There are seven Horcruxes in all, and at the start of this story, only two are destroyed, and they only know what one of the others is but not its location.

Nor can Harry, Ron or Hermione rely on the Ministry of Magic, the wizarding world's governing body. It has essentially been overthrown by those loyal to Voldemort. Those in charge set disturbing policies authorizing inquisitions of anyone who is not a "pureblood", as in borne of two magical parents. And Harry Potter has been designated Public Enemy Number One, with rewards for his capture so that he can be turned over to Voldemort.

One of the earliest scenes, which was merely alluded to in the book, is quite moving and lets the audience know that what Harry and friends are up against is not mere child's play. Hermione, whose parents are muggles (non-magical people), rather than risk someone torturing them to disclose her whereabouts, erases any memory her mother and father ever had of her. She slips quietly away, not knowing if she'll ever see them again.

Harry, who has spent each summer in his aunt's house under magical protection, is about to turn 17, which means his protection will end. His anti-Voldemort allies devise a plan to transport Harry to another safe location. Six people drink a potion that makes them look exactly like Harry, so that any enemy won't know which is the real Harry. But Voldemort and several of his followers, known as Death Eaters, attack all of them. Voldemort himself attacks the real Harry, but the spell he casts does not work. This sequence is visually quite exciting.

Harry does arrive safely at Ron's family home, but there are casualties amongst the others. Harry, not wanting to be the reason for any further loss of life, tries to set off on his own, but Ron convinces him that the task of finding the Horcruxes is too large for one person to handle, so he agrees to wait until his friends can go with him. Meanwhile, the Weasley household gears up for a wedding.

While at the Weasley home, Ron, Hermione and Harry find out that the deceased headmaster of Hogwart's, Professor Dumbledore, left items for them in his will. They are perplexed by these three seemingly ordinary objects for which the will has no explanation (they do have meaning later in the story). A fourth item of great importance that would have helped them destroy Horcruxes is missing.

The wedding unfortunately is cut short when Death Eaters make an appearance. Harry, Ron, and Hermione must flee amongst the chaos without telling anyone where they are going or why. Their narrow escape begins their daunting search for the Horcruxes.

Even though this story is spread across two films, many of the events from the book have been compressed, some changed, and others eliminated. But like the fourth film, "Goblet of Fire", which also had substantial differences from the book, the intent, tone and most important sequences remain intact. So we still feel these teens' uncertainty, loneliness and anger as they flounder on their quest.

One of the Horcruxes is revealed to be in the possession of Dolores Umbridge, a former temporary headmaster at Hogwart's (the evil woman in pink featured in "Order of the Phoenix") who is now head inquisitor of wizards with Muggle parents at the Ministry of Magic. In order to capture the Horcrux, Ron, Hermione and Harry must disguise themselves as Ministry members, a bold and dangerous move on their part.

Their satisfaction at the successful theft of the Horcrux turns to frustration when they discover they cannot destroy it. Worse, because it is cursed by an evil wizard, mere possession of it poisons the minds of the friends, who turn against each other. Worse still, while at the house of an ancient woman whom they think might be able to help them, Harry and Hermione are attacked. But when all seems darkest, Ron manages to break the seductive power of the Horcrux.

Harry, Ron and Hermione decide to pay a visit to the father of their classmate, Luna Lovegood. It is there they learn that the legend of the Deathly Hallows, three objects that when combined are thought to make one immortal, may in fact be real. Harry also realizes that Voldemort is after these Hallows even as he is chasing Horcruxes.

The three friends soon after are captured by Snatchers, thugs who are hoping they have the right kids so they can get a reward from Voldemort for their efforts. But before Harry is collared, Hermione puts a jinx upon him that causes his face to distort so that he can't positively be identified. They are taken to the home of nemesis Draco Malfoy to decide what should be done with them. "Deathly Hallows Part 1" ends with a daring rescue attempt.

The effects in "Deathly Hallows" are even more realistic and impressive than in the previous Harry Potter movies. The house elves look much less like computer images and much more like living breathing creatures. And because most of the focus is on Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint, their acting had to carry the movie. I am pleased to report it did.

This movie is rated PG-13. Because there are fewer childish antics and more losses of treasured characters than in previous films, parents should consider whether they feel it is appropriate for their own children. If your child enjoyed the books, they are probably going to be okay with the movie. There is no gore and just a few indications of romance, but young kids might find it scary overall.

It is going to be difficult to wait eight more months for the resolution of the Harry Potter film saga, but if part 1 is any indication, it will be more than satisfactory in the end. For lack of a better word, I found the first installment of "Deathly Hallows" to be magical.

"Love is like a beautiful song (that) echoes on in the heart when the last note is silent."

- Columbine High School memorial

Got this in an e-mail today from Pete. Cool, because I was in the mood for something funny AND cute:


TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG


   
Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?





Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?





Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old  story?





Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the  colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?





Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?





Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?





Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.





Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?






Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog. 


1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.   


2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just  because I like the way they  smell.  


3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.   


4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.  


5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.  


6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 


7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.


8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after. 

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.  


11. I  will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 


12. The cat is not a 'squeaky  toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing..



P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

"Blossoms are scattered by the wind, and the wind cares nothing, but blossoms of the heart the wind cannot touch."

- Columbine High School memorial

Got this from a fibromyalgia-related Facebook page. The instructions/helpful hints for each slide are on the right hand side of the page:

Fibromyalgia Exercises Slideshow: Stretching and Strength Exercises to Ease Fibromyalgia Pain

Now, I realize not all of us are capable of 25 minutes of exercise without an exacerbation (I recently achieved 30 minutes but experienced a major pain increase). But even those who are bed-bound can usually tolerate doctor-approved isometric stretches. And while some claim exercise is actually a CURE for fibromyalgia, I have definitely not found that to be the case but still think it is worthwhile work on range of motion at the very least.

This is an awesome video by Jen Reynolds, one of my Facebook friends.

"Hug someone today who doesn't look like you!"

- Columbine High School memorial

This humorous "public service announcement" instructs parents on how to inform their children about "Star Wars" series. Link courtesy of Greg:

Talking to Your Kids about Star Wars

My dad was the one who had me standing in line in 1977 for this movie I'd never heard of, so I blame him for me getting hooked, heh heh. I do wonder how different it would be to view them for the first time in order of their chronological time line rather than in the order the movies actually appeared in theatres. I suspect after seeing part 1, I would conclude this was not a story that interested me and miss out on the best one, which of course is part 4.

I now receive Alison Arngrim's newsletter, which often includes info about other "Little House" cast members. Dean Butler, who played Laura's husband, now does documentaries. Here's a summary of his re-creating Laura's real life in the locations where she actually lived:

Little House on the Prairie: The Legacy of Laura Ingalls Wilder

Also, while you're on the site, check out the trailer on the home page. I may look into viewing the documentary at some point. I would think it will be available somewhere in Sioux Falls as it is one of the places Dean Butler worked on the film.

"I believe in the sun even when it is not shining.
I believe in love even when I feel it not.
I believe in God even when He is silent."

- written on a wall in a concentration camp

"The best news is that we can screw up. We should praise life each moment, because it is unblemished."

- Eugene Fisher,
cab driver

Another funny item of mysterious origin from the archives. This is also circa 2003....

Delete Key Theology

QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?

ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:

The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and contraception."

The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower -case letters will become upper-case.

The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.

The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.

Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!

Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.

IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.

PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!

"You can't beat love. Nothin' beats love. If you give one thing, you get three things back."

-'Daddy' Bruce Randolph,
Denver Good Samaritan

Digging into the archives again for funnies not previously posted. I don't remember the source of this one, only that I sent it as an e-mail wayyy back in 2003....


Signs You Have Nothing To Do At Work

1. You've already read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for 2003.

2. You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.

3. You've figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.

4. You decide to see how many Mountain Dews you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs.

5. People come into your office only to borrow pencils from your ceiling.

6. No longer content with merely photocopying your hand, you now scan and enhance it with Photoshop.

7. You now require only a single can of cola to belch the names of all seven Dwarfs.

8. The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Rules

1. The BOSS always makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No EMPLOYEE can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the BOSS suspects the EMPLOYEE knows all the rules, the BOSS must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The BOSS is never wrong.

6. If the BOSS is wrong, it is because of flagrant misunderstanding, which was a direct result of something the EMPLOYEE did or said wrong.

7. If rule 6 applies, the EMPLOYEE must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The BOSS has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

9. The EMPLOYEE must remain calm at all times, unless the BOSS wants him/her to be angry or upset.

10. The BOSS must under no circumstances let the EMPLOYEE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

"That which does not kill you makes you strong."
Nietzsche

"Loving compassion is like the sunlight
Awakening and bringing joy to beings.
In beauty it is like a rainbow,
Lifting the hearts of all who see it."
Jack Kornfield

A little over a week ago, I had an interesting dream. In it, I was someplace where a puppy was for sale. It was an adorable liver and white English springer spaniel, female, with the sweetest fuzzy face you ever saw. I was in love! I was petting her soft fur, scratching behind her ears, giving her a tummy rub, and she appeared to think I was wonderful too. But an important-looking man came up and announced, "She would be perfect for my Manhattan apartment". He wanted the pup for a show dog, and he was prepared to pay far more than I could ever afford. Off he went with MY puppy, and I just sat on the floor, heartbroken.

Chip D. Dog has been gone for two years, but it wasn't until I had that dream that I knew for sure that I was emotionally ready for another pup. But that dream also reflected to me the sad reality that I am probably not the best choice for a new dog. For one thing, I am no longer able to walk or train a dog, which would be unfair as they need more exercise than just hanging out in the back yard. Secondly, since my disability insurance company has permanently discontinued my benefits, we no longer have room in our budget for vet bills, dog food and toys. And most importantly, Dan is still too upset over the loss of Chip to handle another pup.

So I guess I will just have to continue to dream about dogs. I wish there was a service where someone brought a dog to your house to pet and play with for a little while, like they do in hospitals and nursing homes. That way, I wouldn't have to worry about getting yanked around on a leash or feel guilty for not socializing the dog. Getting an occasional canine hug would be sooooo therapeutic and would go a long way toward soothing this empty hole in my heart. And maybe the dog would enjoy it too.

Time for some current hilarity. This came just today in an e-mail from Pete....


Paraprosdokian sentences 

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. 


I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. 

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. 

War does not determine who is right -- only who is left. 

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station. 

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay cheques. 

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR." 

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. 

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? 

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. 

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. 

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. 

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. 

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. 

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. 

I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon... and a shot of tequila. 

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. 

You're never too old to learn something stupid. 

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. 

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child? 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

"Yes, the natural way is always best.
If you are going to make noise
It is better to rumble like the rocks
Than to tinkle like artificial jade."
Lao Tzu

"Flattery is from the teeth out. Sincere appreciation is from the heart out."
Dale Carnegie

Another goody from the archives. Don't know the original source, but it was in an e-mail I sent in 2003:


A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM. It could be a right number.

Think about this..... No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team's winning.

How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.

One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life is to work so hard the boss will think he's after his job.

A backyard barbecue draws two things....flies and relatives.

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your pantyhose and realize you aren't wearing any.

I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

"Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness."
Shakti Gawain

Prayer for Peace 6:
Hymn: Cuando El Pobre
(Oliver and Manzano)

"When the poor ones who have nothing share with strangers, when the thirsty give water to us all, when the crippled, in their weakness, strengthen others, then we know that God still goes that road with us. When at last those who suffer find their comfort, when they hope though all seems hopeless, when we love though hate seems all around us, then we know God still goes that road with us. When our homes are filled with goodness and abundance, when we learn how to make peace instead of war, when each stranger is called a neighbor, then we know that God still goes that road with us."

- The Reverend Luci Guzman,
The Colorado Council of Churches

Prayer for Peace 5:
From the Holy Quran 49:13

"O humankind! We created you from a single (pair) of male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other (not that you may despise each other). Verity the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (one who is) the most righteous among you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)."

Muslim Tradition Prayer for Peace:

"God give us the guidance, the vision and the strength to establish peace and justice on earth, to help the needy and poor, to look after the rich that they may not exploit others. God, help us to be at peace with mother nature, to never take for granted Your bounty to us. God, help us to conduct our daily lives and all our actions to be in accordance with Your guidance, to be acceptable in Your sight, that we might all follow the path that leads to Your blessing."

- Mr. Mohamed Jodeh,
The Colorado Muslim Society

This article was posted on a fibromyalgia group on Facebook. It's from the National Fibromyalgia Association website:

Maintaining a Positive Attitude: Ten Strategies

I think it is important to reiterate that negative thoughts do NOT cause fibromyalgia, they just add to the stress of dealing with it. Also, I appreciate that the article did not promote the idea that if a person can just be positive all the time, they won't ever have a flare. I admit that I do have some down times, but I don't let them ruin my life.

Got this through another Facebook friend. I found it really fascinating....

How Meditation Techniques Compare -- Zen, Mindfulness, Transcendental Meditation and more

I had no idea that different areas of the brain were affected depending on the type of meditation. Unfortunately, I do not seem to be able to achieve the art of not focusing on a particular thought, I think due to the way fibromyalgia has changed the way my brain processes things. But I am able to get some relaxation by focusing on breathing or by imagining myself to be dissolving away.

Link courtesy of a Facebook friend. This tells of the hazards of using your SSN to identify yourself....

10 riskiest places to to give your Social Security number

Unfortunately, much of the medical world still uses Social Security numbers as identifiers. As recently as four years ago, my husband's health insurance ID was his SSN. If you have a new account anywhere, especially online, that uses your SSN as your user name or password, change it ASAP.

Fascinating article from the Celiac.com newsletter. If the autoimmune factors surrounding celiac disease are thought to be hereditary, why is it increasing in the population at such a dramatic rate?

New Study Shows Celiac Disease on the Rise, Striking Later in Life

I was symptomatic as a kid, but didn't get dramatically ill until 2003. None of my family members have been diagnosed with celiac disease. But then, none of them have been tested, either.

Somehow overlooked last week's Celiac.com newsletter. Here's an interesting article about a study done on the neuropathy and celiac disease....

Gluten Sensitivity May Trigger Sensory Ganglionopathy

I have neuropathy, but my docs have disagreed as to the probable culprit. It could be from my diabetes, my celiac disease, my Sjogren's syndrome, or some combination. Some have speculated that even the fibromyalgia could be to blame.

Prayer for Peace 4:
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

"Loving God, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, light; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Teacher, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

This funny arrived in an e-mail from Feathers just today. She sends me the most hilarious stuff!


There is a store that sells new husbands in New York City.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. Shoppers may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but may not go back down except to exit the building!
So...a woman goes to the New Husband Store because she's tired of her old one.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and are Very Romantic.
She is so tempted to stay her heart skips a beat but instead goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the New Husband Store.


The New Wife Store

To avoid gender bias charges, the New Husband Store's owner opened a New Wife store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that cook and love to make love.
The second floor has wives that cook, love to make love, have money, and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth, and sixth floors have never been visited.

Prayer for Peace 3:
Parinamana Gatha
(The Venerable Master Hsing Yun)

"May kindness, compassion, joyfulness and generosity permeate the whole universe. Treasure the merit, make friends and benefit heaven and earth. Meditate, chant, follow precepts and maintain equanimity toward all. Be humble, be thankful, and pledge to benefit all sentient beings."

- The Venerable Yun-Zer,
The Denver Buddhist Cultural Society

From my archives, circa 2004. Joke originally e-mailed to me by Ducky....


A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small.

The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.

Prayer for Peace 2:
The Jewish Tradition

"Grant us peace, Your most precious gift, O Eternal Source of Peace, and give us the will to proclaim its message to all the peoples of the earth. Bless our country, that it may always be a stronghold of peace, and its advocate among the nations. May contentment reign within its borders, health and happiness within its homes. Strengthen the bonds of friendship among the inhabitants of all lands; and may the love of Your name hallow every home and every heart. Teach us, O God, to labor for righteousness, and inscribe us in the Book of Life, blessing and peace. Blessed is the Eternal God, the source of peace."

- Rabbi Steven E. Foster,
Rocky Mountain Rabbinical Council

As promised, I am starting a new feature on this blog: the Inspiration of the Day. It will be something I found profound enough to share. Most of these will be from my now-defunct "Inspirations" website (until I run out, of course). Later items will be from the mildly impressive collection I have stashed on scraps of paper, old journals, e-mails and Facebook. These will generally be quotes or prayers. Shall we begin?

Prayer for Peace 1:
The Nakota Tradition
Prayer from the Heart

"Great Spirit, Grandfather, we ask that you bless us, the pitiful two-leggeds, with the ability to forgive one another and the strength to love one another as brothers and sisters. Bless us with brave hearts to be able to teach one another how to be good relatives to all living and spiritual beings."

- Jonny BearCub Stiffarm/Waste'Wea
(Good Chief Woman)

Ok, in order to "balance out" all the inspirational quotes I plan to post, I will dip into my archived (but never posted, at least I can't remember posting them) funnies. You can tell by the date this isn't current, but it is still hilarious. Courtesy of Marci....


Thanksgiving Dinner Update 2003

Contrary to what you may have heard, Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you this in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes.

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the bouquets of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china plates, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this is Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead, we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me that it's a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, Pilgrims, and the Turkey Hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 am upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.

In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers.  This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private", meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play.  Nor is it a request to bean your brother in the head with warm tasty bread. Oh, and one reminder for adults: for the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name, "Cheese Sauce." If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of "Cheese Sauce", plead ignorance.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice: take it or leave it.

Through some new fibromyalgia groups on Facebook, I've discovered some more blogs worth perusing. I will add these to my Links list:

Chronicles of Fibromyalgia

Oh My Aches and Pains!

On a disappointing note, I recently received an e-mail indicating that the photo pages I had created using Homepage for Mac will no longer be available for viewing. So I will have to remove those web pages from my Links list. Luckily, I'd had the foresight to copy the pix elsewhere. But I feel as though I am rapidly disappearing from the internet!

The above is Latin for "grant us peace".

It saddens me that my spiritual website is no more because I had dozens of quotes pertaining to peace. But what I can do instead is post them here from time to time. So in addition to my "Raves of the Day", there will be "Inspiration for the Day". Until I get that set up, here are a few starter quotes. Peace be with you, today and always!


"Practice watering seeds of joy and peace and not just seeds of anger and violence, and the elements of war in all of us will be transformed."
- Thich Nhat Hanh


"If you have inner peace, the external problems do not affect your deep sense of tranquility. You are happy regardless of circumstances."
- The Dalai Lama


"If in our daily life, we can smile . . . . not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work."
- Thich Nhat Hanh

More from Facebook. This covers an excellent topic: how many potentially dangerous conditions are assumed to just be fibromyalgia.....

Ignoring New Health Problems With Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

While it may sound incredible that someone would ignore something like a heart attack (or, worse, they are ignored by doctors), when your body cries wolf all the time, it's not really that far-fetched. After you've been to the ER a few times and found out nothing was wrong, it's tempting to avoid ever going again, either because your new symptoms are similar to ones you have every day or because you're tired of being scoffed at by medical professionals. I had to be dragged to the ER for emergency gall bladder removal because I'd been in pain for four months and two docs had already blown me off.

Another item from Facebook. Among fibromyalgia patients, there are marked differences in severity and whether heredity is involved:

Eight Subsets of Fibromyalgia Spectrum - Where Do You Fall?

According to this article, I would fall into category 8 because I developed fibromyalgia as a partner in crime with an autoimmune disease, in my case Sjogren's syndrome. I have long contended that there is more than one kind of fibromyalgia, if for no other reason than that some people seem to have had it since childhood while others only developed it after some kind of (usually physical) trauma. And medications that help one patient make another much worse.

From Facebook. Be sure to view the video in addition to reading the story:

Panel Pushes for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Name Change

On the one hand, I'm glad ABC is mentioning CFIDS at all, and I do agree that it needs to be referred to something that indicates it is an ailment, not simply garden variety tiredness. But the video ticks me off! The woman featured claims she is "cured" after just a year and a half and is back to doing half-triathlons. While it is wonderful that she is no longer sick, CFIDS is NOT curable, so she never really had it and probably just needed a break from over-training. And SHAME on ABC for disguising a sales pitch for a workout program as an interview about CFIDS.

From Facebook. As if having fibromyalgia didn't mess up your sleep enough, there's often an additional disruption going on:

Restless Leg Syndrome, Fibromyalgia Linked in Study

I have known about the connection for years, but I'm not sure the general public does. I have a condition similar to restless leg syndrome called periodic limb movement disorder. This basically means that while I am trying to sleep, my legs and arms flail and twitch uncontrollably, which is certainly far from restful.

Got this link from Facebook. It is an excellent article dispelling all the fiction surrounding fibromyalgia, done in an easy to understand fashion:

Fibromyalgia Myth Busting

It is truly sad how slow the medical community has been to recognize fibromyalgia as a neurological condition. Disability insurance companies are still getting away with denying benefits for people who have it because the companies contend that it is a somataform disorder or that it isn't even real.

Thanks to a Facebook friend's suggestion, I will attempt to participate in this worldwide event. I will post about peace on November 4th along with at least 100 other bloggers. Interested? Click on the box above and check it out. But hurry!

As a person who routinely does hilarious things due to fibrofog, I appreciated this. Link from Facebook....

Funny Moments with Fibromyalgia

On a more serious note regarding my cognitive dysfunction, I saw my primary care doc today, and we decided to take me off the generic Ambien as one of the possible side effects with long-term use is memory loss. I've been on it for nine of the past ten years, in part because my insurance wouldn't cover any other sleep aid. But the insurance company recently decided to cover generic Sonata, so I got a month's worth and will see how that works out.

Got this off of Facebook. I find it most relevant because Tuesday's ballot in South Dakota has a medical marijuana bill....

Medical marijuana may help fibromyalgia pain

Unfortunately, this bill is almost certain to fail. The general public just cannot understand that there are medical conditions that do not respond to typical prescription drugs. Or that someone might be allergic to narcotics or have other valid reasons for needing a natural alternative.

From a Facebook friend, the meaning of "Namaste"....

Chip D. Dog died on Halloween 2008. While I no longer find myself looking for him in the yard or next to my side of the bed, I still dream about him all the time. Luckily, now the dreams are less frequently about horrible I felt about putting him down and more frequently about how soft his fur was, how much he liked tummy rubs and how he would patiently let me hug him.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how smart Chip was. He would pretend his food was something to be conquered, and would deposit a few pieces in the living room, bow to it, bark and tap at it with his paws until he felt he had won and then commence to eat it. If you asked him to get his toy, he would look all over the house and yard for one and once found, start playing with it. Dan could go to one end of the house and I to the other, and I'd say, "go see Dan", and Chip would run to find him, and then upon instruction, run back over to me, and back and forth until he got tired.

Now I'm too ill to train a new dog or take it for walks, and I can't afford to keep one anymore anyway. But I'll always have memories of The World's Most Spoiled English Springer Spaniel.